Mark Twain Quotes, Inspirational Quotes, Funny Quotes

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I try never to let my schooling get in the way of my education.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Leadership Quotes , Education Quotes

The highest perfection of politeness is only a beautiful edifice, built, from the base to the dome, of ungraceful and gilded forms of charitable and unselfish lying.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Beautiful Quotes , Lying Quotes

The work that is really a man's own work is play and not work at all.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Life Quotes , Men Quotes

All men are ignorant, just on different subjects.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Ignorant Quotes

Surely the ass who invented the first religion ought to be the first ass damned

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Religious Quotes , Atheist Quotes

I wish Europe would let Russia annihilate Turkey a little--not much, but enough to make it difficult to find the place again without a divining-rod or a diving-bell.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Russia Quotes , Europe Quotes

The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Love Quotes , Inspirational Quotes

In religion and politics people’s beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second-hand, and without examination, from authorities who have not themselves examined the questions at issue but have taken them at second-hand from other non-examiners, whose opinions about them were not worth a brass farthing.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Life Quotes , Inspiring Quotes

Protestant parents still keep a Bible handy in the house, so that the children can study it, and one of the first things the little boys and girls learn is to be righteous and holy and not piss against the wall. They study those passages more than they study any others, except those which incite to masturbation. Those they hunt out and study in private.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Bible Quotes , Girl Quotes

History never repeats itself; at best it sometimes rhymes.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , History Quotes , Sometimes Quotes

We like to read about rich people in the newspapers; the papers know it, and they do their best to keep this appetite liberally fed.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , People Quotes , Paper Quotes

When one has tasted watermelons, one knows what angels eat. It was not a Southern watermelon that Eve took; we know it because she repented.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Angel Quotes , Southern Quotes

I can't do no literary work for the rest of this year because I'm meditating another lawsuit and looking around for a defendant.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Work Quotes , Writing Quotes

Like most people, I often feel mean, and act accordingly.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Mean Quotes , People Quotes

We are called the nation of inventors. And we are. We could still claim that title and wear its loftiest honors if we had stopped with the first thing we ever invented, which was human liberty.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Patriotic Quotes , Patriotism Quotes

All my life I have been honest-comparatively honest. I could never use money I had not made honestly-I could only lend it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Honesty Quotes , Use Quotes

Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the vast limits of their knowledge.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Education Quotes , Wise Quotes

Therein lies the defect of revenge: it's all in the anticipation; the thing itself is a pain, not a pleasure; at least the pain is the biggest end of it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Pain Quotes , Revenge Quotes

Who would find out that I am a natural fool if I kept always cool and never let nature come to the surface? Nobody.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Fool Quotes , Natural Quotes