Mark Twain Quotes, Humorous Quotes, Animal Quotes

Humor must be one of the chief attributes of God. Plants and animals that are distinctly humorous in form and characteristics are God's jokes.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Animal Quotes

There are many humorous things in the world; among them, the white man's notion that he is less savage than the other savages.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Inspiration Quotes

Do not undervalue the headache. While it is at its sharpest it seems a bad investment; but when relief begins, the unexpired remainder is worth $4 a minute.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Pain Quotes , Relief Quotes

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Motivational Quotes

A man who carries a cat by the tail is getting experience that will always be helpful. He isn't likely to grow dim or doubtful. Chances are, he isn't likely to carry the cat that way again, either. But if he wants to, I say let him!

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Cat Quotes , Men Quotes

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog: Nobody really enjoys it, and the frog generally dies as a result.

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One should never use exclamation points in writing. It is like laughing at your own joke.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Writing Quotes , Exclamation Points Quotes

The slowness of one section of the world about adopting the valuable ideas of another section of it is a curious thing and unaccountable.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Ideas Quotes , World Quotes

I know all those people. I have friendly, social, and criminal relations with the whole lot of them.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , People Quotes , Friendly Quotes

Scientists have odious manners, except when you prop up their theory; then you can borrow money off them.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Money Quotes , Science Quotes

Some people get an education without going to college. The rest get it after they get out.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , College Quotes , People Quotes

If you send a damned fool to St. Louis, and you don't tell them he's a damned fool, they'll never find out.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Life was a fairy-tale, then, it is a tragedy now. When I was 43 and John Hay 41 he said life was a tragedy after 40, and I disputed it. Three years ago he asked me to testify again: I counted my graves, and there was nothing for me to say. I am old; I recognize it but I don't realize it. I wonder if a person ever really ceases to feel young - I mean, for a whole day at a time.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Mean Quotes , Said Life Quotes

The highest pleasure to be got out of freedom, and having nothing to do, is labor.

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The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Laughter Quotes , Political Quotes

It is the will of God that we must have critics and missionaries and congressmen and humorists, and we must bear the burden

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , God Quotes , Bears Quotes

When a man stands on the verge of seventy-two you know perfectly well that he never reached that place without knowing what this life is - heartbreaking bereavement.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Two Quotes

The two Testaments are interesting, each in its own way. The Old one gives us a picture of these people's Deity as he was before he got religion, the other one gives us a picture of him as he appeared afterward.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Two Quotes , People Quotes

Sane and intelligent human beings are like all other human beings, and carefully and cautiously and diligently conceal their private real opinions from the world and give out fictitious ones in their stead for general consumption.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Real Quotes , Intelligent Quotes

Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Drinking Quotes , Wine Quotes