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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Birthday Quotes
- In America the President reigns for four years, and Journalism governs forever and ever.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- It is an old prerogative of kings to govern everything but their passions.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes
- It is not funny that anything else should fall down; only that a man should fall down... Why do we laugh? Because it is a grave religious matter: it is the Fall of Man. Only man can be absurd: for only man can be dignified.
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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Religious Quotes
- Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can't, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it.
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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Think! I've got enough to do, and little enough to get for it, without thinking.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Never put off till tomorrow what you can do day after tomorrow just as well.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it.
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Tags : Lewis Carroll Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- ...there isn't often anything in Wagner opera that one would call by such a violent name as acting.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Science Quotes
- Riches are for spending.
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Tags : Francis Bacon Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes
- Journalism largely consists of saying 'Lord Jones is Dead' to people who never knew that Lord Jones was alive.
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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Business Quotes
- Religion is like a blind man looking in a black room for a black cat that isn't there, and finding it.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Here is the piece. If you can't say fornicate can you say copulate or if not that can you say co-habit? If not that would have to say consummate I suppose. Use your own good taste and judgment.
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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Both marriage and death ought to be welcome: the one promises happiness, doubtless the other assures it.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes
- Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Work Quotes
- We have really everything in common with America nowadays, except, of course, language.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- I woke up my pop in the middle of the night 'cause the boogie man's under my bed. My pop is this big, huge man, nothing can hurt him. I went running into his bedroom like, 'Daddy, Daddy, the boogie man's under the bed!' Pop opens one eye, he's like, 'Is the boogie man bigger than me?' 'Well, no Daddy, he's not.' 'Well, you got your choice: you can deal with the boogie man or you can deal with me.'
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Running Quotes
- NAPOLEON: What shall we do with this soldier, Giuseppe? Everything he says is wrong. GIUSEPPE: Make him a general, Excellency, and then everything he says will be right.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes