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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.
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Tags : Abraham Lincoln Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.
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Tags : Jane Austen Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Let me see you ride a donkey over my green again, and as sure as you have a head upon your shoulders, I'll knock your bonnet off, and tread upon it!
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- You shouldn't be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world and it's efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read-
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Americans spend 6 billion hours a year filling out their tax reforms.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes
- God gives us our relatives – thank God we can choose our friends.
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Tags : Addison Mizner Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Some men never feel small, but these are the few men who are.
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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Men Quotes
- When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes
- How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Believe Quotes
- People have discovered that they can fool the devil; but they can't fool the neighbors.
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Tags : Francis Bacon Quotes , Funny Quotes , People Quotes
- The Cardinal is at his wit's end - it is true that he had not far to go.
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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupidity Quotes
- The last thing one discovers in composing a work is what to put first.
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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Work Quotes
- Books are totally useless unless you take their advice. If you just keep reading them, thinking "that's so insightful! that changes everything," but never actually doing anything different, then pretty quickly the feeling will wear off and you'll start searching for another book to fill the void.
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Tags : Aaron Swartz Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- In war it does not matter who is right, but who is left.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- The equation for ego is: One over Knowledge.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- The first condition of understanding a foreign country is to smell it.
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Tags : Rudyard Kipling Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- I drew the duck blue because I've never seen a blue duck before and, to be honest with you I wanted to see a blue duck.
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Tags : Adam Sandler Quotes , Funny Quotes , Blue Quotes
- Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes