Honore De Balzac Quotes, Funny Quotes, Money Quotes

To kill a relative of whom you are tired is something. But to inherit his property afterwards, that is genuine pleasure.

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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

I have witnessed and greatly enjoyed the first act of everything which Wagner created, but the effect on me has always been so powerful that one act was quite sufficient; whenever I have witnessed two acts I have gone away physically exhausted; and whenever I have ventured an entire opera the result has been the next thing to suicide.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Let me see you ride a donkey over my green again, and as sure as you have a head upon your shoulders, I'll knock your bonnet off, and tread upon it!

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

My way of joking is to tell the truth. That's the funniest joke in the world.

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Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

She dotes on poetry, sir. She adores it; I may say that her whole soul and mind are wound up, and entwined with it. She has produced some delightful pieces, herself, sir. You may have met with her 'Ode to an Expiring Frog,' sir.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

All knives and forks were working away at a rate that was quite alarming; very few words were spoken; and everybody seemed to eat his utmost, in self defence, as if a famine were expected to set in before breakfast-time to-morrow morning, and it had become high time to assert the first law of nature.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Morning Quotes

There is only one difference between a long life and a good dinner: that, in the dinner, the sweets come last.

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Tags : Robert Louis Stevenson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happy Birthday Quotes

I find that the further I go back, the better things were, whether they happened or not.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

It being a part of Mrs. Pipchin's system not to encourage a child's mind to develop and expand itself like a young flower, but to open it by force like an oyster.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Children Quotes

I cut my own hair. I got sick of barbers because they talk too much. And too much of their talk was about my hair coming out.

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.

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Tags : A. Whitney Brown Quotes , Funny Quotes , Military Quotes

The good ended happily, and the bad unhappily. That is what fiction means.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Change Quotes

... Waiter! raw beef-steak for the gentleman's eye,-nothing like raw beef-steak for a bruise, sir; cold lamp-post very good, but lamp-post inconvenient-damned odd standing in the open street half-an-hour, with your eye against a lamp.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

She say, Celie, tell the truth, have you ever found God in church? I never did. I just found a bunch of folks hoping for him to show.

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Tags : Alice Walker Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The stupider the peasant, the better the horse understands him.

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Tags : Anton Chekhov Quotes , Funny Quotes , Horse Quotes

Any man may be in good spirits and good temper when he's well dressed. There ain't much credit in that.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fine Quotes