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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- 'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
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Tags : Alfred Lord Tennyson Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- It being a part of Mrs. Pipchin's system not to encourage a child's mind to develop and expand itself like a young flower, but to open it by force like an oyster.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Children Quotes
- Important families are like potatoes. The best parts are underground.
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Tags : Francis Bacon Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes
- To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered.
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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes
- Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- She say, Celie, tell the truth, have you ever found God in church? I never did. I just found a bunch of folks hoping for him to show.
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Tags : Alice Walker Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eyewitness.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hilarious Quotes
- We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fine Quotes
- Three minutes thought would suffice to find this out; but thought is irksome and three minutes is a long time.
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Tags : A. E. Housman Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- It's better to hang out with people better than you. Pick out associates whose behavior is better than yours and you'll drift in that direction.
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Tags : Warren Buffett Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes
- Tell the cook of this restaurant with my compliments that these are the very worst sandwiches in the whole world, and that, when I ask for a watercress sandwich, I do not mean a loaf with a field in the middle of it.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sports Quotes
- The majority of the stupid is invincible and guaranteed for all time. The terror of their tyranny, however, is alleviated by their lack of consistency.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes
- As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- I won`t cry for you, my mascara`s too expensive
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Tags : Adriana Lima Quotes , Funny Quotes , Cute Quotes
- Take not God's name in vain; select a time when it will have effect.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , God Quotes