Alan Coren Quotes, Funny Quotes, Fall Quotes

The role of humour is to make people fall down and writhe on the Axminster, and that is the top and bottom of it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Alan Coren Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fall Quotes

The last thing one discovers in composing a work is what to put first.

4 years ago

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Work Quotes

Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.

4 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happy Birthday Quotes

Beauty is an outward gift, which is seldom despised, except by those to whom it has been refused.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beauty Quotes

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

The dog is very smart. He feels sorry for me because I receive so much mail; that's why he tries to bite the mailman.

4 years ago

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes

Intellectuals solve problems, geniuses prevent them.

4 years ago

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sex Quotes

It is always a temptation to a rich and lazy nation, To puff and look important and to say:- 'Though we know we should defeat you, we have not the time to meet you, We will therefore pay you cash to go away.'

5 years ago

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Tags : Rudyard Kipling Quotes , Funny Quotes , Temptation Quotes

He was drunk upon the average once a day, and penitent upon an equally fair calculation once a month; and when he was penitent, he was invariably in the very last stage of maudlin intoxication. He was a ragged, roving, roaring kind of fellow, with a burly form, a sharp wit, and a ready head, and could turn his hand to anything when he chose to do it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose

4 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Golf Quotes

'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

5 years ago

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Tags : Alfred Lord Tennyson Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

He had the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Christian Quotes

Out upon merry Christmas! What's Christmas time to you but a time for paying bills without money; a time for finding yourself a year older, but not an hour richer...? If I could work my will," said Scrooge indignantly, "every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' upon his lips should be boiled with his won pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. He should!

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Christmas Quotes

There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Religious Quotes

I have insecurities of course, but I don't hang out with anyone who points them out to me.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adele Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hater Quotes

There is nothing so annoying as to have two people talking when you're busy interrupting.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hilarious Quotes

When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

When I was young I thought that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old I know that it is.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes