Charles Dickens Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

A modest ring at the bell at length allayed her fears, and Miss Benton, hurrying into her own room and shutting herself up, in order that she might preserve that appearance of being taken by surprise which is so essential to the polite reception of visitors, awaited their coming with a smiling countenance.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Tell the cook of this restaurant with my compliments that these are the very worst sandwiches in the whole world, and that, when I ask for a watercress sandwich, I do not mean a loaf with a field in the middle of it.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Science Quotes

All generalizations are false, including this one.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes

Knowledge is invariably a matter of degree: you cannot put your finger upon even the simplest datum and say this we know.

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants.

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

The way it is now, the asylums can hold the sane people, but if we tried to shut up the insane we should run out of building materials.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Running Quotes

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

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Tags : A. Whitney Brown Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Fashions have done more harm than revolutions.

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Tags : Victor Hugo Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wisdom Quotes

Monsieur l'abbé, I detest what you write, but I would give my life to make it possible for you to continue to write.

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

I always like a dog so long as he isn't spelled backward.

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Spiritual Quotes

Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

He was drunk upon the average once a day, and penitent upon an equally fair calculation once a month; and when he was penitent, he was invariably in the very last stage of maudlin intoxication. He was a ragged, roving, roaring kind of fellow, with a burly form, a sharp wit, and a ready head, and could turn his hand to anything when he chose to do it.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

The last thing one discovers in composing a work is what to put first.

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Work Quotes

" ... It is not my desire to wound the feelings of any person with whom I am connected in family bonds. I may be a hypocrite," said Mr. Pecksniff, cuttingly, "but I am not a brute."

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

What is the use of straining after an amiable view of things, when a cynical view is most likely to be the true one?.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Here is the piece. If you can't say fornicate can you say copulate or if not that can you say co-habit? If not that would have to say consummate I suppose. Use your own good taste and judgment.

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why!

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes