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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- Avoid all needle drugs, the only dope worth shooting is Richard Nixon.
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Tags : Abbie Hoffman Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dope Quotes
- You can always rely on America to do the right thing -- once it has exhausted the alternatives.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.
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Tags : F. Scott Fitzgerald Quotes , Funny Quotes , New Year Quotes
- Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can't just throw your hands up and enjoy it.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sex Quotes
- I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
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Tags : A. Whitney Brown Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- If there are no cigars in heaven, I shall not go.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they're so suggestible.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well.
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Tags : Alan Shearer Quotes , Funny Quotes , Soccer Quotes
- I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes
- I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean.
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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Believe Quotes
- Deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- I always pass on good advice. It is the only thing to do with it. It is never of any use to oneself.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
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Tags : Hector Hugh Munro Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- The release of atomic energy has not created a new problem. It has merely made more urgent the necessity of solving an existing one.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Peace Quotes
- "Well," said my aunt, "this is his boy - his son. He would be as like his father as it's possible to be, if he was not so like his mother, too."
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mother Quotes