Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Friendship Quotes

TRUCE, n. Friendship.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Friendship Quotes

Labor is one of the processes by which A acquires property for B.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Process Quotes , Labor Quotes

PIE, n. An advance agent of the reaper whose name is Indigestion.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Food Quotes , Names Quotes

Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Hypocrite Quotes , Hypocrisy Quotes

A hollow edifice erected for the habitation of man, rat, mouse, beetle, cockroach, fly, mosquito, flea, bacillus, and microbe.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Party Quotes , Men Quotes

MALTHUSIAN, adj. Pertaining to Malthus and his doctrines, who believed in artificially limiting population, but found that it could not be done by talking. Herod of Judea, all the famous soldiers have been practical exponents of the Malthusian idea.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Talking Quotes , Ideas Quotes

MAGNITUDE, n. Size [that is] purely relative. If everything in the universe were increased 1,000 diameters nothing would be any larger than it was before, but if one thing remain unchanged all the others would be larger than they had been.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Would Be Quotes , Size Quotes

LIVER, n. A large red organ thoughtfully provided by nature to be bilious with. The sentiments and emotions which every literary anatomist now knows to haunt the heart were anciently believed to infest the liver; and even Gascoygne, speaking of the emotional side of human nature, calls it "our hepaticall parte." It was at one time considered the seat of life; hence its name- liver, the thing we live with.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Heart Quotes , Science Quotes

Epitaph: An inscription on a tomb showing that virtues acquired by death have a retroactive effect.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Death Quotes , Dying Quotes

MAGNETISM, n. Something acting upon a magnet. The two definitions immediately foregoing are condensed from the works of one thousand eminent scientists, who have illuminated the subject with a great white light, to the inexpressible advancement of human knowledge.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Science Quotes , Light Quotes

Anoint, v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Kings Quotes , Grease Quotes

Pun: A form of wit, to which wise men stoop and fools aspire

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Wise Quotes , Men Quotes

Genealogy, n. An account of one's descent from a man who did not particularly care to trace his own.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Family Quotes , Men Quotes

OSTRICH, n. A large bird to which (for its sins, doubtless) nature has denied that hinder toe . . . . The absence of a good working pair of wings is no defect, for, as has been ingeniously pointed out, the ostrich does not fly.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Ostriches Quotes , Wings Quotes

NOMINATE, v. To designate for the heaviest political assessment. To put forward a suitable person to incur the mudgobbling and deadcatting of the opposition.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Assessment Quotes , Political Quotes

ARSENIC, n. A kind of cosmetic greatly affected by the ladies, whom it greatly affects in turn.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Science Quotes , Arsenic Quotes

POCKET, n. The cradle of motive and the grave of conscience. In woman this organ is lacking; so she acts without motive, and her conscience, denied burial, remains ever alive, confessing the sins of others.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Pockets Quotes , Alive Quotes

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Peace Quotes

RECONCILIATION, n. A suspension of hostilities. An armed truce for the purpose of digging up the dead.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Digging Quotes , Purpose Quotes

PLEONASM, n. An army of words escorting a corporal of thought.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Army Quotes