Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Fear Quotes, Worship Quotes

Heathen, n. A benighted creature who has the folly to worship something that he can see and feel.

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Doubt is the father of invention.

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A nutritious substance supplied by a bountiful Providence for the fattening of the poor.

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LOVE, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder.

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When lost in a forest go always down hill. When lost in a philosophy or doctrine go upward.

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STORY, n. A narrative, commonly untrue.

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PHOTOGRAPH, n. A picture painted by the sun without instruction in art. It is a little better than the work of an Apache, but not quite so good as that of a Cheyenne.

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Reverence for the Supreme Being, based upon His supposed resemblance to man. The pig is taught by sermons and epistles / To think the God of Swine has snout and bristles.

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Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

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Battle, n., A method of untying with the teeth a political knot that would not yield to the tongue.

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Infidel, n. In New York, one who does not believe in the Christian religion; in Constantinople, one who does.

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PERORATION, n. The explosion of an oratorical rocket. It dazzles, but to an observer having the wrong kind of nose its most conspicuous peculiarity is the smell of the several kinds of powder used in preparing it.

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LEGACY, n. A gift from one who is legging it out of this vale of tears.

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ABNORMAL, adj. Not conforming to standard. In matters of thought and conduct, to be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to be detested. Wherefore the lexicographer adviseth a striving toward the straiter [sic] resemblance of the Average Man than he hath to himself. Whoso attaineth thereto shall have peace, the prospect of death and the hope of Hell.

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Brain, v. [as in "to brain"]: To rebuke bluntly, but not pointedly; to dispel a source of error in an opponent.

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PANTOMIME, n. A play in which the story is told without violence to the language. The least disagreeable form of dramatic action.

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Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.

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You are not permitted to kill a woman who has wronged you, but nothing forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute.

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ORTHODOX, n. An ox wearing the popular religious joke.

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Experience - the wisdom that enables us to recognise in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced.

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