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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- LOVE, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder.
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- Scriptures - The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.
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- Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.
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- POLITICIAN, n. An eel in the fundamental mud upon which the superstructure of organized society is reared. When he wriggles, he mistakes the agitation of his tail for the trembling of the edifice.
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- OBSOLETE, adj. No longer used by the timid. Said chiefly of words. A word which some lexicographer has marked obsolete is ever thereafter an object of dread and loathing to the fool writer . . .
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- SACERDOTALIST, n. One who holds the belief that a clergyman is a priest. Denial of this momentous doctrine is the hardest challenge that is now flung into the teeth of the Episcopalian church by the Neo-Dictionarians.
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- APHORISM, n. Predigested wisdom. The flabby wine-skin of his brain Yields to some pathologic strain, And voids from its unstored abysm The driblet of an aphorism. "The Mad Philosopher," 1697
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- A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.
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- DELUGE, n. A notable first experiment in baptism which washed away the sins (and sinners) of the world.
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- Respectability, n. The offspring of a liaison between a bald head and a bank account.
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- Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.
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- No country is so wild and difficult but men will make it a theater of war.
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- A miracle is an act or event out of the order of nature and unaccountable, as beating a normal hand of four kings and an ace with four aces and a king.
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- Suddenly to change one's opinions and go over to another party. The most notable flop on record was that of Saul of Tarsus, who has been severely criticised as a turn-coat by some of our partisan journals.
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- FREEBOOTER, n. A conqueror in a small way of business, whose annexations lack of the sanctifying merit of magnitude.
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- REBEL, n. A proponent of a new misrule who has failed to establish it.
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- PLAGUE, n. In ancient times a general punishment of the innocent for admonition of their ruler, as in the familiar instance of Pharaoh the Immune. The plague today . . . is merely Nature's fortuitous manifestation of her purposeless objectionableness.
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- UNIVERSALIST, n. One who forgoes the advantage of a Hell for persons of another faith.
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- To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.
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- MAMMON, n. The god of the world's leading religion. The chief temple is in the holy city of New York.
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