Ambrose Bierce Quotes

PRESENTABLE, adj. Hideously appareled after the manner of the time and place.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes

A comely female inhabiting the Mohammedan Paradise to make things cheery for the good Mussulman, whose belief in her existence marks a noble discontent with his earthly spouse, whom he denies a soul.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Soul Quotes , Atheism Quotes

San Francisco is the place where most people were last seen

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , San Francisco Quotes , People Quotes

IDLENESS, n. A model farm where the devil experiments with seeds of new sins and promotes the growth of staple vices.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Growth Quotes , Devil Quotes

HAND, n. A singular instrument worn at the end of the human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Hands Quotes , Pockets Quotes

Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Pigs Quotes , Law Quotes

An ingenious compound of desirability and appearance. Discovery of truth is the sole purpose of philosophy, which is the most ancient occupation of the human mind and has a fair prospect of existing with increasing activity to the end of time.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Time Quotes , Truth Quotes

HOMILETICS, n. The science of adapting sermons to the spiritual needs, capacities and conditions of the congregation.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Spiritual Quotes , Science Quotes

It is evident that skepticism, while it makes no actual change in man, always makes him feel better.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Change Quotes , Feel Better Quotes

REVEILLE, n. A signal to sleeping soldiers to dream of battlefields no more, but get up and have their blue noses counted.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Dream Quotes , Sleep Quotes

Molecule, n.: The ultimate, indivisible unit of matter. It is distinguished from the corpuscle, also the ultimate, indivisible unit of matter, by a closer resemblance to the atom, also the ultimate, indivisible unit of matter ... The ion differs from the molecule, the corpuscle and the atom in that it is an ion.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Ions Quotes , Molecules Quotes

OSTRICH, n. A large bird to which (for its sins, doubtless) nature has denied that hinder toe . . . . The absence of a good working pair of wings is no defect, for, as has been ingeniously pointed out, the ostrich does not fly.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Ostriches Quotes , Wings Quotes

PROVIDENTIAL, adj. Unexpectedly and conspicuously beneficial to the person so describing it.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Unexpected Quotes , Persons Quotes

PITY, n. A failing sense of exemption, inspired by contrast.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Failure Quotes , Inspired Quotes

To renounce an honor for an advantage. To renounce an advantage for a greater advantage.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Honor Quotes , Advantage Quotes

Mausoleum, n: the final and funniest folly of the rich.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Dying Quotes , Finals Quotes

Truth - An ingenious compound of desirability and appearance.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes

ART, n. This word has no definition. Its origin is related by the ingenious Father Gassalasca Jape as "One day a wag - what would the wretch be at? Shifted a letter of the cipher RAT, And said it was a god's name! . . ."

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Art Quotes , Father Quotes

Inhumanity, n. One of the signal and characteristic qualities of humanity.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Humanity Quotes , Quality Quotes

Honorable, adj.: Afflicted with an impediment in one's reach. In legislative bodies, it is customary to mention all members as honorable; as, "the honorable gentleman is a scurvy cur.".

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Gentleman Quotes , Affliction Quotes