Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Disease Quotes, Poverty Quotes

EJECTION, n. An approved remedy for the disease of garrulity. It is also much used in cases of extreme poverty.

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HURRICANE, n. An atmospheric demonstration once very common but now generally abandoned for the tornado and cyclone. The hurricane is still in popular use in the West Indies and is preferred by certain old- fashioned sea-captains.

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Cabbage: a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.

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That part of your friend which it is your privilege to contemplate in your adversity

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You can effect a change of robbers every four years. Inestimable privilege - to pull off the glutted leech and attach the lean one! And you can not even choose among the lean leeches, but must accept those designated by the programmers and showmen who have the reptiles on tap!

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RASCALITY, n. Stupidity militant. The activity of a clouded intellect.

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ANTIPATHY, n. The sentiment inspired by one's friend's friend.

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DIAPHRAGM, n. A muscular partition separating disorders of the chest from disorders of the bowels.

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Dance, v.i. To leap about to the sound of tittering music, preferably with arms about your neighbor's wife or daughter. There are many kinds of dances, but all those requiring the participation of the two sexes have two characteristics in common: they are conspicuously innocent, and warmly loved by the vicious.

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Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.

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LAWYER, n. One skilled in circumvention of the law.

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DISCUSSION, n. A method of confirming others in their errors.

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Male, A member of the unconsidered or negligible gender. The male of the human race is commonly known to the female as Mere Man. The Genus has two varieties: good providers and bad providers.

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A single swallow, it is said, devours ten millions of insects every year. The supplying of these insects I take to be a signal instance of the Creator's bounty in providing for the lives of His creatures.

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Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.

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UNDERSTANDING, n. A cerebral secretion that enables one having it to know a house from a horse by the roof on the house. Its nature and laws have been exhaustively expounded by Locke, who rode a house, and Kant, who lived in a horse.

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TAIL, n. The part of an animal's spine that has transcended its natural limitations to set up an independent existence in a world of its own.

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CALLOUS, adj. Gifted with great fortitude to bear the evils afflicting another. When Zeno was told that one of his enemies was no more he was observed to be deeply moved. "What!" said one of his disciples, "you weep at the death of an enemy?" "Ah, 'tis true," replied the great Stoic; "but you should see me smile at the death of a friend.".

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STORY, n. A narrative, commonly untrue.

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Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.

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