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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- Patriotism, n. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name. In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary patriotism is defined as the last resort of a scoundrel. With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer I beg to submit it is the first.
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- DEJEUNER, n. The breakfast of an American who has been in Paris. Variously pronounced.
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- The only distinction that democracies reward is a high degree of conformity.
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- A wedding is a ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.
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- PHILISTINE, n. One whose mind is the creature of its environment, following the fashion in thought, feeling and sentiment. He is sometimes learned, frequently prosperous, commonly clean and always solemn.
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- APHORISM, n. Predigested wisdom. The flabby wine-skin of his brain Yields to some pathologic strain, And voids from its unstored abysm The driblet of an aphorism. "The Mad Philosopher," 1697
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- MONSIGNOR- A high ecclesiastical title, of which the Founder of our religion overlooked the advantages.
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- LAST, n. A shoemaker's implement, named by a frowning Providence as opportunity to the maker of puns.
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- CEMETERY, n. An isolated suburban spot where mourners match lies, poets write at a target and stone-cutters spell for a wager.
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- Nonsense, n. The objections that are urged against this excellent dictionary.
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- BEG, v. To ask for something with an earnestness proportioned to the belief that it will not be given.
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- Intolerance is natural and logical, for in every dissenting opinion lies an assumption of superior wisdom.
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- A lottery is a tax on stupidity.
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- CENTAUR, n. One of a race of persons who lived before the division of labor had been carried to such a pitch of differentiation, and who followed the primitive economic maxim, "Every man his own horse."
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- PARDON, v. To remit a penalty and restore to the life of crime. To add to the lure of crime the temptation of ingratitude.
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- MUSTANG, n. An indocile horse of the western plains. In English society, the American wife of an English nobleman.
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- PRESIDENT, n. The leading figure in a small group of men of whom - and of whom only - it is positively known that immense numbers of their countrymen did not want any of them for President.
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- WASHINGTONIAN, n. A Potomac tribesman who exchanged the privilege of governing himself for the advantage of good government. In justice to him it should be said that he did not want to.
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- REAR, n. In American military matters, that exposed part of the army that is nearest to Congress.
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- JOSS-STICKS- Small sticks burned by the Chinese in their pagan tomfoolery, in imitation of certain sacred rites of our holy religion.
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