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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- The slightest acquaintance with history shows that powerful republics are the most warlike and unscrupulous of nations.
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- HOMOEOPATHY, n. A school of medicine midway between Allopathy and Christian Science. To the last both the others are distinctly inferior, for Christian Science will cure imaginary diseases, and they can not.
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- Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking the honorable obscurity of public office.
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- When you are ill make haste to forgive your enemies, for you may recover.
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- It has been observed that one's nose is never so happy as when thrust into the affairs of others from which some physiologists have drawn the inference that the nose is devoid of the sense of smell.
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- Boundary, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of another.
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- It is evident that skepticism, while it makes no actual change in man, always makes him feel better.
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- A popular vote to ascertain the will of the sovereign.
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- NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi.
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- GUILLOTINE, n. A machine which makes a Frenchman shrug his shoulders with good reason.
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- Responsibility, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one's neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.
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- Pantheism, n. The doctrine that everything is God, in contradistinction to the doctrine that God is everything.
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- HURRICANE, n. An atmospheric demonstration once very common but now generally abandoned for the tornado and cyclone. The hurricane is still in popular use in the West Indies and is preferred by certain old- fashioned sea-captains.
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- GNOSTICS, n. A sect of philosophers who tried to engineer a fusion between the early Christians and the Platonists. The former would not go into the caucus and the combination failed, greatly to the chagrin of the fusion managers.
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- CALAMITY, n. A more than commonly plain and unmistakable reminder that the affairs of this life are not of our own ordering. Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
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- Don't board with the devil if you wish to be fat.
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- ORPHAN, n. A living person whom death has deprived of the power of filial ingratitude . . .
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- diplomacy, n.: The patriotic art of lying for one's country.
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- ENTERTAINMENT, n. Any kind of amusement whose inroads stop short of death by injection.
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- Indigestion: A disease which the patient and his friends frequently mistake for deep religious conviction and concern for the salvation of mankind. As the simple Red Man of the Western Wild put it, with, it must be confessed, a certain force: 'Plenty well, no pray; big belly ache, heap God.'
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