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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- Behavior, n. Conduct, as determined, not by principle, but by breeding.
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- CLERGYMAN, n. A man who undertakes the management of our spiritual affairs as a method of better his temporal ones.
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- ROSTRUM, n. In Latin, the beak of a bird or the prow of a ship. In America, a place from which a candidate for office energetically expounds the wisdom, virtue and power of the rabble.
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- Platitude: All that is mortal of a departed truth.
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- The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff.
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- PROPERTY, n. Any material thing, having no particular value, that may be held by A against the cupidity of B. Whatever gratifies the passion for possession in one and disappoints it in all others. The object of man's brief rapacity and long indifference.
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- The best kind of onion soup is the simplest kind.
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- ZEUS /n./ The chief of Grecian gods, adored by the Romans as Jupiter and by the modern Americans as God, Gold, Mob and Dog.
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- REPARATION, n. Satisfaction that is made for a wrong and deducted from the satisfaction felt in committing it.
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- Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.
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- Electricity is the power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else
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- YOUTH, n. The Period of Possibility, when Archimedes finds a fulcrum, Cassandra has a following and seven cities compete for the honor of endowing a living Homer.
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- PHONOGRAPH, n. An irritating toy that restores life to dead noises.
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- Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.
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- QUOTIENT, n. A number showing how many times a sum of money belonging to one person is contained in the pocket of another - usually about as many times as it can be got there.
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- NOUMENON, n. That which exists, as distinguished from that which merely seems to exist, the latter being a phenomenon. The noumenon is a bit difficult to locate; it can be apprehended only by a process of reasoning - which is a phenomenon.
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- Learning, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.
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- Revolution, n. In politics, an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.
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- When you are ill make haste to forgive your enemies, for you may recover.
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- Potable, n. Suitable for drinking. Water is said to be potable; indeed, some declare it our natural beverage, although even they find it palatable only when suffering from the recurrent disorder known as thirst, for which it is a medicine.
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