Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Eye Quotes, Thinking Quotes

Age, with his eyes in the back of his head, thinks it wisdom to see the bogs through which he has floundered.

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FROG, n. A reptile with edible legs

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Religions are conclusions for which the facts of nature supply no major premises.

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VITUPERATION, n. Saite, as understood by dunces and all such as suffer from an impediment in their wit.

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Mad; adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence; not conforming to standards of thought, speech, and action derived by the conformants from study of themselves; at odds with the majority; in short, unusual. It is noteworthy that persons are pronounced mad by officials destitute of evidence that they themselves are sane.

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MONOSYLLABIC, adj. Composed of words of one syllable . . . Commonly Saxon - that is to say, words of a barbarous people destitute of ideas and incapable of any but the most elementary sentiments and emotions.

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Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.

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Age is provident because the less future we have the more we fear it.

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Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.

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Aborigines, n.: Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.

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New York is too strenuous for me; it gets on my nerves.

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OBSOLETE, adj. No longer used by the timid. Said chiefly of words. A word which some lexicographer has marked obsolete is ever thereafter an object of dread and loathing to the fool writer . . .

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There would be far fewer accidents if we could only teach telephone poles to be more careful.

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I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.

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General," said the commander of the delinquent brigade, "I am persuaded that any further display of valor by my troops will bring them into collision with the enemy.

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IMPOSTOR n. A rival aspirant to public honors.

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TRUTHFUL, adj. Dumb and illiterate.

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SPOOKER, n. A writer whose imagination concerns itself with supernatural phenomena, especially in the doings of spooks.

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I was born to poor because of honest parents.

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PROBOSCIS, n. The rudimentary organ of an elephant which serves him in place of the knife-and-fork that Evolution has as yet denied him. For purposes of humor it is popularly called a trunk.

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