Ambrose Bierce Quotes

CUI BONO? [Latin] What good would that do "me"?

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Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity.

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PREHISTORIC, adj. Belonging to an early period and a museum. Antedating the art and practice of perpetuating falsehood.

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Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.

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HOMŒOPATHIST, n. The humorist of the medical profession.

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JESTER, n. An officer attached to the king's household to amuse the court by ludicrous actions and utterances . . . the king's own conduct and decrees [being] sufficiently ridiculous for the amusement not only of his court but of all mankind.

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Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.

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Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age.

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UNDERSTANDING, n. A cerebral secretion that enables one having it to know a house from a horse by the roof on the house. Its nature and laws have been exhaustively expounded by Locke, who rode a house, and Kant, who lived in a horse.

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NIRVANA- In the Buddhist religion, a state of pleasurable annihilation awarded to the wise, particularly to those wise enough to understand it.

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PRESENTABLE, adj. Hideously appareled after the manner of the time and place.

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POLITICIAN, n. An eel in the fundamental mud upon which the superstructure of organized society is reared. When he wriggles, he mistakes the agitation of his tail for the trembling of the edifice.

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Christian - One who follows the teachings of Christ insofar as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.

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RUMOR, n. A favorite weapon of the assassins of character.

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True, more than a half of the green graves in the Grafton cemetery are marked "Unknown," and sometimes it occurs that one thinks of the contradiction involved in "honoring the memory" of him of whom no memory remains to honor; but the attempt seems to do no great harm to the living, even to the logical.

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PORTUGUESE, n.pl. A species of geese indigenous to Portugal. They are mostly without feathers and imperfectly edible, even when stuffed with garlic.

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Heaven: A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while you expound on yours.

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DEJEUNER, n. The breakfast of an American who has been in Paris. Variously pronounced.

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UXORIOUSNESS, n. A perverted affection that has strayed to one's own wife.

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KILT, n. A costume sometimes worn by Scotchmen in America and Americans in Scotland.

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