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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- PANTALOONS, n. A nether habiliment of the adult civilized male. The garment is tubular and unprovided with hinges at the points of flexion. Supposed to have been invented by a humorist. Called trousers by the enlightened and pants by the unworthy.
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- REAR, n. In American military matters, that exposed part of the army that is nearest to Congress.
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- Finance is the art or science of managing revenues and resources for the best advantage of the manager
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- Even the laws of justice themselves cannot subsist without mixture of injustice.
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- OPERA, n. A play representing life in another world, whose inhabitants have no speech but song, no motions but gestures and no postures but attitudes.
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- We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect.
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- Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.
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- MYTHOLOGY, n. The body of a primitive people's beliefs concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later.
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- TZETZE (or TSETSE) FLY, n. An African insect ("Glossina morsitans") whose bite is commonly regarded as nature's most efficacious remedy for insomnia, though some patients prefer that of the American novelist ("Mendax interminabilis").
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- AUSTRALIA, n. A country lying in the South Sea, whose industrial and commercial development has been unspeakably retarded by an unfortunate dispute among geographers as to whether it is a continent or an island.
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- DECALOGUE, n. A series of commandments, ten in number - just enough to permit an intelligent selection for observance, but not enough to embarrass the choice.
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- aim, n. The task we set our wishes to.
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- Revolution, n. In politics, an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.
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- VANITY, n. The tribute of a fool to the worth of the nearest ass.
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- When publicly censured our first instinct is to make everybody a codefendant.
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- ORTHODOX, n. An ox wearing the popular religious joke.
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- RAILROAD, n. The chief of many mechanical devices enabling us to get away from where we are to where we are no better off. For this purpose the railroad is held in highest favor by the optimist, for it permits him to make the transit with great expedition.
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- PREHISTORIC, adj. Belonging to an early period and a museum. Antedating the art and practice of perpetuating falsehood.
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- WEAKNESSES, n.pl. Certain primal powers of Tyrant Woman wherewith she holds dominion over the male of her species, binding him to the service of her will and paralyzing his rebellious energies.
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- LOSS, n. Privation of that which we had, or had not. Thus, in the latter sense, it is said of a defeated candidate that he "lost his election".
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