Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Nature Quotes, Kings Quotes

A miracle is an act or event out of the order of nature and unaccountable, as beating a normal hand of four kings and an ace with four aces and a king.

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Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder. This disease, like caries and many other ailments, is prevalent only among civilized races living under artificial conditions; barbarous nations breathing pure air and eating simple food enjoy immunity from its ravages. It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient.

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MOUTH, n. In man, the gateway to the soul; in woman, the outlet of the heart.

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PALM, n. A species of tree . . . of which the familiar "itching palm" ("Palma hominis") is most widely distributed . . . . This noble vegetable exudes a kind of invisible gum, which may be detected by applying to the bark a piece of gold or silver.

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Patriotism: The first resort of a scoundrel.

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Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Misses (Mrs.) and Mister (Mr.) are the three most distinctly disagreeable words in the language, in sound and sense.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Missing Quotes , Sound Quotes

REVIEW, v.t. To set your wisdom (holding not a doubt of it./ Although in truth there's neither bone nor skin to it)/ At work upon a book, and so read out of it/ The qualities that you have first read into it.

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Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.

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Feast, n. A festival. A religious celebration usually signalized by gluttony and drunkenness, frequently in honor of some holy person distinguished for abstemiousness.

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Optimism - the doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.

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Idiot, n. A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling.

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EAT, v.i. To perform successively (and successfully) the functions of mastication, humectation, and deglutition. 'I was in the drawing-room, enjoying my dinner,' said Brillat-Savarin, beginning an anecdote. 'What!' interrupted Rochebriant; 'eating dinner in a drawing-room?' 'I must beg you to observe, monsieur,' explained the great gastronome, 'that I did not say I was eating my dinner, but enjoying it. I had dined an hour before.'

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Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.

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Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.

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GRAPESHOT, n. An argument which the future is preparing in answer to the demands of American Socialism.

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Habit: A shackle for the free.

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ADMINISTRATION, n. An ingenious abstraction in politics, designed to receive the kicks and cuffs due to the premier or president. A man of straw, proof against bad-egging and dead-catting.

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EXILE, n. One who serves his country by residing abroad, yet is not an ambassador.

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Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.

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HOMŒOPATHIST, n. The humorist of the medical profession.

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