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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- Patriotism, n. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name. In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary patriotism is defined as the last resort of a scoundrel. With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer I beg to submit it is the first.
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- Erudition - dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.
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- Death is a dignitary who when he comes announced is received with formal manifestations of respect, even by those most familiar with him. In the code of military etiquette silence and fixity are forms of deference
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- Money. A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it.
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- Learning, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.
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- SEINE, n. A kind of net for effecting an involuntary change of environment. For fish it is made strong and coarse, but women are more easily taken with a singularly delicate fabric weighted with small, cut stones.
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- LICKSPITTLE, n. A useful functionary, not infrequently found editing a newspaper . . . the lickspittle is only the blackmailer under another aspect, although the latter is frequently found as an independent species.
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- It has been observed that one's nose is never so happy as when thrust into the affairs of others from which some physiologists have drawn the inference that the nose is devoid of the sense of smell.
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- Reverence for the Supreme Being, based upon His supposed resemblance to man. The pig is taught by sermons and epistles / To think the God of Swine has snout and bristles.
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- DECIDE, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set.
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- A man is the sum of his ancestors; to reform him you must begin with a dead ape and work downward through a million graves.
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- Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.
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- To be comic is merely to be playful, but wit is a serious matter. To laugh at it is to confess that you do not understand.
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- RESPITE, n. A suspension of hostilities against a sentenced assassin, to enable the Executive to determine whether the murder may not have been done by the prosecuting attorney. Any break in the continuity of a disagreeable expectation.
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- POETRY, n. A form of expression peculiar to the Land beyond the Magazines.
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- Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination.
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- DECALOGUE, n. A series of commandments, ten in number - just enough to permit an intelligent selection for observance, but not enough to embarrass the choice.
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- Amnesty, n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.
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- pleasure, n. The least hateful form of dejection.
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- Liar: A lawyer with a roving commission.
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