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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.
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- PAIN, n. An uncomfortable frame of mind that may have a physical basis in something that is being done to the body, or may be purely mental, caused by the good fortune of another.
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- MACE, n. A staff of office signifying authority. Its form, that of a heavy club, indicates its original purpose and use in dissuading from dissent.
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- DISCUSSION, n. A method of confirming others in their errors.
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- PREHISTORIC, adj. Belonging to an early period and a museum. Antedating the art and practice of perpetuating falsehood.
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- MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavour to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.
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- EJECTION, n. An approved remedy for the disease of garrulity. It is also much used in cases of extreme poverty.
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- Ability is commonly found to consist mainly in a high degree of solemnity.
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- ROMANCE, n. Fiction that owes no allegiance to the God of Things as They Are. In the novel the writer's thought is tethered to probability, but in romance it ranges at will over the entire region of the imagination . . .
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- ROSTRUM, n. In Latin, the beak of a bird or the prow of a ship. In America, a place from which a candidate for office energetically expounds the wisdom, virtue and power of the rabble.
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- DIAPHRAGM, n. A muscular partition separating disorders of the chest from disorders of the bowels.
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- RUBBISH, n. Worthless matter, such as the religions, philosophies, literatures, arts and sciences of the tribes infesting the regions lying due south from Boreaplas.
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- Kiss. n. A word invented by the poets as a rhyme for "bliss".
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- Damning, with bell, book and candle / Some sinner whose opinions are a scandal. / A rite permitting Satan to enslave him / Forever, and forbidding Christ to save him.
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- Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.
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- SAUCE, n. The one infallible sign of civilization and enlightenment. A people with no sauces has one thousand vices; a people with one sauce has only nine hundred and ninety-nine. For every sauce invented and accepted a vice is renounced and forgiven.
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- WOMAN, n. An animal usually living in the vicinity of Man, and having a rudimentary susceptibility to domestication.
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- There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.
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- UNIVERSALIST, n. One who forgoes the advantage of a Hell for persons of another faith.
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- pleasure, n. The least hateful form of dejection.
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