Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Hope Quotes, Disappointment Quotes

Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.

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Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

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SIREN, n. One of several musical prodigies famous for a vain attempt to dissuade Odysseus from a life on the ocean wave. Figuratively, any lady of splendid promise, dissembled purpose and disappointing performance.

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PITY, n. A failing sense of exemption, inspired by contrast.

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Inhumanity, n. One of the signal and characteristic qualities of humanity.

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To Dogmatism the Spirit of Inquiry is the same as the Spirit of Evil.

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Responsibility, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one's neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.

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Legitimate authority to be, to do or to have; as the right to be a king, the right to do one's neighbor, the right to have measles, and the like.

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Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.

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Truth is more deceptive than falsehood, for it is more frequently presented by those from whom we do not expect it, and so has against it a numerical presumption.

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FORMA PAUPERIS. [Latin] In the character of a poor person - a method by which a litigant without money for lawyers is considerately permitted to lose his case.

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PERIPATETIC, adj. Walking about. Relating to the philosophy of Aristotle, who, while expounding it, moved from place to place in order to avoid his pupil's objections. A needless precaution - they knew no more of the matter than he.

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Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.

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Miss, n. A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate they are in the market. Miss, Misses (Mrs.) and Mister (Mr.) are the three most distinctly disagreeable words in the language, in sound and sense. Two are corruptions of Mistress, the other of Master. In the general abolition of social titles in this our country they miraculously escaped to plague us. If we must have them let us be consistent and give one to the unmarried man. I venture to suggest Mush, abbreviated to Mh.

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Women and foxes, being weak, are distinguished by superior tact.

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HATRED, n. A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's superiority.

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BEGGAR, n. One who has relied on the assistance of his friends.

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NOISE, n. A stench in the ear. Undomesticated music. The chief product and authenticating sign of civilization.

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Evolutionary biology is genuinely scientific, but more than that it opens the door to a world more marvellous than any Christian fundamentalist has ever read into the pages of the Bible.

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URBANITY, n. The kind of civility that urban observers ascribe to dwellers in all cities but New York. Its commonest expression is heard in the words, "I beg your pardon," and it is not consistent with disregard of the rights of others.

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