Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Distance Quotes, Technology Quotes

Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.

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INTENTION, n. The mind's sense of the prevalence of one set of influences over another set; an effect whose cause is the imminence, immediate or remote, of the performance of an involuntary act.

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Opportunity: A favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment.

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PHYSICIAN, n. One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.

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repose, v.i. To cease from troubling.

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Ambidextrous, adj.: Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left.

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PROPHECY, n. The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery.

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A book which the Mohammedans foolishly believe to have been written by divine inspiration, but which Christians know to be a wicked imposture, contradictory to the Holy Scriptures.

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REACH, n. The radius of action of the human hand. The area within which it is possible (and customary) to gratify directly the propensity to provide.

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REBEL, n. A proponent of a new misrule who has failed to establish it.

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RUBBISH, n. Worthless matter, such as the religions, philosophies, literatures, arts and sciences of the tribes infesting the regions lying due south from Boreaplas.

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MALTHUSIAN, adj. Pertaining to Malthus and his doctrines, who believed in artificially limiting population, but found that it could not be done by talking. Herod of Judea, all the famous soldiers have been practical exponents of the Malthusian idea.

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A hollow edifice erected for the habitation of man, rat, mouse, beetle, cockroach, fly, mosquito, flea, bacillus, and microbe.

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To seek a justification for a decision already made.

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Platitude: All that is mortal of a departed truth.

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NOUMENON, n. That which exists, as distinguished from that which merely seems to exist, the latter being a phenomenon. The noumenon is a bit difficult to locate; it can be apprehended only by a process of reasoning - which is a phenomenon.

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POLITICIAN, n. An eel in the fundamental mud upon which the superstructure of organized society is reared. When he wriggles, he mistakes the agitation of his tail for the trembling of the edifice.

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Appeal. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw.

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The god of the world's leading religion.

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Mad; adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence; not conforming to standards of thought, speech, and action derived by the conformants from study of themselves; at odds with the majority; in short, unusual. It is noteworthy that persons are pronounced mad by officials destitute of evidence that they themselves are sane.

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