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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- Duty - that which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of desire.
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- X, n. In our alphabet being a needless letter has an added invincibility to the attacks of the spelling reformers, and like them, will doubtless last as long as the language.
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- Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.
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- A system of pitfalls thoughtfully prepared for the feet for the self-made man, along the path by which he advances to distinction.
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- Accordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.
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- Woman absent is woman dead.
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- PALMISTRY, n. The 947th method . . . of obtaining money by false pretences [by] "reading character" in the wrinkles [of] the hand. The pretence is not altogether false. . . for the wrinkles in every hand submitted plainly spell the word "dupe."
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- Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.
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- RAILROAD, n. The chief of many mechanical devices enabling us to get away from where we are to where we are no better off. For this purpose the railroad is held in highest favor by the optimist, for it permits him to make the transit with great expedition.
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- Censor, n. An officer of certain governments, employed to supress the works of genius. Among the Romans the censor was an inspector of public morals, but the public morals of modern nations will not bear inspection.
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- Self-restraint is indulgence of the propensity to forgo.
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- Children who have proven themselves to be incorrigible by the age of twelve should be quickly and quietly beheaded, lest they grow to maturity, marry, and perpetuate the likeness of their being.
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- OLD, adj. In that stage of usefulness which is not inconsistent with general inefficiency, as an "old man". Discredited by lapse of time and offensive to the popular taste, as an "old" book.
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- REVOLUTION, n. In politics, an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment. . . . the substitution of the rule of an Administration for that of a Ministry, whereby the welfare and happiness of the people were advanced a full half-inch.
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- Genius - to know without having learned; to draw just conclusions from unknown premises; to discern the soul of things.
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- PRE-ADAMITE, n. One of an experimental and apparently unsatisfactory race of antedated Creation. . . . Little its known of them beyond the fact that they supplied Cain with a wife and theologians with a controversy.
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- APHORISM, n. Predigested wisdom. The flabby wine-skin of his brain Yields to some pathologic strain, And voids from its unstored abysm The driblet of an aphorism. "The Mad Philosopher," 1697
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- When in Rome, do as Rome does.
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- mine, adj. Belonging to me if I can hold or seize it.
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- REVOLUTION, n. A bursting of the boilers which usually takes place when the safety valve of public discussion is closed.
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