Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Dog Quotes, Doe Quotes

CERBERUS, n. The watch-dog of Hades, whose duty it was to guard the entrance - against whom or what does not clearly appear; everybody, sooner or later, had to go there, and nobody wanted to carry off the entrance.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Dog Quotes , Doe Quotes

K, n. A consonant; originally precisely that of our H, but altered to its present shape to commemorate the destruction of [one of two lofty columns in] the great temple of Jarute.

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Convent - a place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness.

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KILT, n. A costume sometimes worn by Scotchmen in America and Americans in Scotland.

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MAGNITUDE, n. Size [that is] purely relative. If everything in the universe were increased 1,000 diameters nothing would be any larger than it was before, but if one thing remain unchanged all the others would be larger than they had been.

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PRISON, n. A place of punishments and rewards. The poet assures us that - stone walls do not a prison make.

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GNOSTICS, n. A sect of philosophers who tried to engineer a fusion between the early Christians and the Platonists. The former would not go into the caucus and the combination failed, greatly to the chagrin of the fusion managers.

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DIARY, n. A daily record of that part of one's life, which he can relate to himself without blushing.

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DECALOGUE, n. A series of commandments, ten in number - just enough to permit an intelligent selection for observance, but not enough to embarrass the choice.

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PASTIME, n. A device for promoting dejection. Gentle exercise for intellectual debility.

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PYRRHONISM- An ancient philosophy, named for its inventor. It consisted of an absolute disbelief in everything but Pyrrhonism. Its modern professors have added that.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Philosophy Quotes , Ancient Quotes

PRESIDENT, n. The leading figure in a small group of men of whom - and of whom only - it is positively known that immense numbers of their countrymen did not want any of them for President.

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Income is the natural and rational gauge and measure of respectability.

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Accordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.

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BAIT, n. A preparation that renders the hook more palatable. The best kind is beauty.

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What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.

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Friendless. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense.

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Crowned with leaves of the laurel. In England the Poet Laureate is an officer of the sovereign's court, acting as dancing skeleton at every royal feast and singing-mute at every royal funeral.

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TECHNICALITY, n. In an English court a man named Home was tried for slander in having accused his neighbor of murder. His exact words were: "Sir Thomas Holt hath taken a cleaver and stricken his cook upon the head, so that one side of the head fell upon one shoulder and the other side upon the other shoulder." The defendant was acquitted by instruction of the court, the learned judges holding that the words did not charge murder, for they did not affirm the death of the cook, that being only an inference.

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MUSTANG, n. An indocile horse of the western plains. In English society, the American wife of an English nobleman.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Horse Quotes , Wife Quotes