Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Party Quotes, Men Quotes

A hollow edifice erected for the habitation of man, rat, mouse, beetle, cockroach, fly, mosquito, flea, bacillus, and microbe.

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MONARCH, n. A person engaged in reigning. Formerly the monarch ruled, as the derivation of the word attests, and as many subjects have had occasion to learn.

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ORTHOGRAPHY, n. The science of spelling by the eye instead of the ear.

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Introduction - a social ceremony invented by the devil for the gratification of his servants and the plaguing of his enemies.

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New York is too strenuous for me; it gets on my nerves.

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Monsieur Franqulin, inventor of electricity. This illustrious savant, after having made several voyages around the world, died on the Sandwich Islands and was devoured by savages, of whom not a single fragment was ever recovered.

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recollect, v. To recall with additions something not previously known.

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ADDER, n. A species of snake. So called from its habit of adding funeral outlays to the other expenses of living.

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PRESIDENCY, n. The greased pig in the field game of American politics.

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The bold and discerning writer who, recognizing the truth that language must grow by innovation if it grow at all, makes new words and uses the old in an unfamiliar sense has no following and is tartly reminded that 'it isn't in the dictionary' - although down to the time of the first lexicographer no author ever had used a word that was in the dictionary.

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APHORISM, n. Predigested wisdom.

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Inexpedient: Not calculated to advance one's interests.

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RECONCILIATION, n. A suspension of hostilities. An armed truce for the purpose of digging up the dead.

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The god of the world's leading religion.

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Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.

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The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

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He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity. A fool is a natural proselyte, but he must be caught young, for his convictions, unlike those of the wise, harden with age.

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Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Misses (Mrs.) and Mister (Mr.) are the three most distinctly disagreeable words in the language, in sound and sense.

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Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

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EMOTION, n. A prostrating disease caused by a determination of the heart to the head. It is sometimes accompanied by a copious discharge of hydrated chloride of sodium from the eyes.

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