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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- Clarinet n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Two Quotes , Ears Quotes
- ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.
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- TELESCOPE, n. A device having a relation to the eye similar to that of the telephone to the ear, enabling distant objects to plague us with a multitude of needless details. Luckily it is unprovided with a bell summoning us to the sacrifice.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Eye Quotes , Sacrifice Quotes
- EFFECT, n. The second of two phenomena which always occur together in the same order. The first, called a Cause, is said to generate the other-which is no more sensible than it would be for one who has never seen a dog except in pursuit of a rabbit to declare the rabbit the cause of the dog.
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- QUIXOTIC, adj. Absurdly chivalric, like Don Quixote. An insight into the beauty and excellence of this incomparable adjective is unhappily denied to him who has the misfortune to know that the gentleman's name is pronounced Ke-ho-tay.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Beauty Quotes , Names Quotes
- MAGNETISM, n. Something acting upon a magnet. The two definitions immediately foregoing are condensed from the works of one thousand eminent scientists, who have illuminated the subject with a great white light, to the inexpressible advancement of human knowledge.
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- Pantheism, n. The doctrine that everything is God, in contradistinction to the doctrine that God is everything.
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- Along the road of life are many pleasure resorts, but think not that by tarrying in them you will take more days to the journey. The day of your arrival is already recorded.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Life Quotes , Journey Quotes
- The game of discontent has its rules, and he who disregards them cheats. It is not permitted to you to wish to add another's advantages or possessions to your own; you are permitted only to wish to be another.
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- A large stone presented by the archangel Gabriel to the patriarch Abraham, and preserved at Mecca. The patriarch had perhaps asked the archangel for bread.
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- PILLORY, n. A mechanical device for inflicting personal distinction - prototype of the modern newspaper conducted by persons of austere virtues and blameless lives.
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- All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher.
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- Revolution, n. In politics, an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.
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- REFERENDUM, n. A law for submission of proposed legislation to a popular vote to learn the nonsensus of public opinion.
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- Prejudice - a vagrant opinion without visible means of support.
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- To be comic is merely to be playful, but wit is a serious matter. To laugh at it is to confess that you do not understand.
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- A man is the sum of his ancestors; to reform him you must begin with a dead ape and work downward through a million graves.
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- INCOMPATIBILITY, n. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination. Incompatibility may, however, consist of a meek-eyed matron living just around the corner. It has even been known to wear a moustache.
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- EJECTION, n. An approved remedy for the disease of garrulity. It is also much used in cases of extreme poverty.
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- Contempt; the feeling of a prudent man for an enemy who is too formidable safely to be opposed.
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