Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Fun Quotes, Inspiration Quotes

OUT-OF-DOORS, n. That part of one's environment upon which no government has been able to collect taxes. Chiefly useful to inspire poets.

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critic, n. A person who boasts himself hard to please because nobody tries to please him.

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FEMALE, n. One of the opposing, or unfair, sex.

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VIRTUES, n.pl. Certain abstentions.

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Dance, v.i. To leap about to the sound of tittering music, preferably with arms about your neighbor's wife or daughter. There are many kinds of dances, but all those requiring the participation of the two sexes have two characteristics in common: they are conspicuously innocent, and warmly loved by the vicious.

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Alien - an American sovereign in his probationary state.

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REPUBLIC, n. A nation in which, the thing governing and the thing governed being the same, there is only a permitted authority to enforce an optional obedience.

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Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.

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OBLIVION, n. The state or condition in which the wicked cease from struggling and the dreary are at rest. Fame's eternal dumping ground.

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EVANGELIST, n. A bearer of good tidings, particularly (in a religious sense) such as assure us of our own salvation and the damnation of our neighbors.

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Happiness has not to all the same name: to Youth she is known as the Future; Age knows her as the Dream.

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Christian - One who follows the teachings of Christ insofar as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.

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NOBLEMAN, n. Nature's provision for wealthy American minds ambitious to incur social distinction and suffer high life.

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Dog - a kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world's worship.

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A penny saved is a penny to squander.

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CALLOUS, adj. Gifted with great fortitude to bear the evils afflicting another.

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PRESIDENCY, n. The greased pig in the field game of American politics.

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PRISON, n. A place of punishments and rewards. The poet assures us that - stone walls do not a prison make.

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SATIETY, n. The feeling that one has for the plate after he has eaten its contents, madam.

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ACKNOWLEDGE, v.t. To confess. Acknowledgment of one another's faults is the highest duty imposed by our love of truth.

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