Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Gentleman Quotes, Affliction Quotes

Honorable, adj.: Afflicted with an impediment in one's reach. In legislative bodies, it is customary to mention all members as honorable; as, "the honorable gentleman is a scurvy cur.".

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Gentleman Quotes , Affliction Quotes

WIDOW, n. A pathetic figure that the Christian world has agreed to take humorously, although Christ's tenderness towards widows was one of the most marked features of his character.

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Cribbage, n. A substitute for conversation among those to whom nature has denied ideas.

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Glutton- A person who escapes the evils of moderation by committing dyspepsia.

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Insurance - an ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfortable conviction that he is beating the man who keeps the table.

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RASCALITY, n. Stupidity militant. The activity of a clouded intellect.

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CLERGYMAN, n. A man who undertakes the management of our spiritual affairs as a method of better his temporal ones.

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Logic, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding. The basic of logic is the syllogism, consisting of a major and a minor premise and a conclusion - thus: Major Premise: Sixty men can do a piece of work sixty times as quickly as one man. Minor Premise: One man can dig a post-hole in sixty seconds; Therefore- Conclusion: Sixty men can dig a post-hole in one second. This may be called syllogism arithmetical, in which, by combining logic and mathematics, we obtain a double certainty and are twice blessed.

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Hippogriff, n. An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half griffin. The griffin was itself a compound creature, half lion and half eagle. The hippogriff was actually, therefore, only one-quarter eagle, which is two dollars and fifty cents in gold. The study of zoology is full of surprises.

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He laughs best who laughs least.

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The covers of this book are too far apart.

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What this country needs what every country needs occasionally is a good hard bloody war to revive the vice of patriotism on which its existence as a nation depends.

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Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.

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GOOD, adj. Sensible, madam, to the worth of this present writer. Alive, sir, to the advantages of letting him alone.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Alive Quotes , Advantage Quotes

TENACITY, n. A certain quality of the human hand in its relation to the coin of the realm. It attains its highest development in the hand of authority and is considered a serviceable equipment for a career in politics.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Hands Quotes , Careers Quotes

LEXICOGRAPHER, n. A pestilent fellow who, under the pretense of recording some particular stage in the development of a language, does what he can to arrest its growth, stiffen its flexibility and mechanize its methods.

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All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher.

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I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.

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War: A by-product of the arts of peace.

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Riot – A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.

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