Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Sarcastic Quotes, Future Quotes

EXTINCTION, n. The raw material out of which theology created the future state.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes , Future Quotes

Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

ROPE, n. An obsolescent appliance for reminding assassins that they too are mortal. It is put about the neck and remains in place one's whole life long.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Life Quotes , Long Quotes

KISS, n. A word invented by the poets as a rhyme for "bliss." It is supposed to signify, in a general way, some kind of rite or ceremony appertaining to a good understanding; but the manner of its performance is unknown to this lexicographer.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Kissing Quotes , Understanding Quotes

LIVER, n. A large red organ thoughtfully provided by nature to be bilious with. The liver is heaven's best gift to the goose; without it that bird would be unable to supply us with the Strasbourg "pate".

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Nature Quotes , Bird Quotes

A penny saved is a penny to squander.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Pennies Quotes , Thrift Quotes

IMPOSTOR n. A rival aspirant to public honors.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Honor Quotes

Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Evil Quotes , Political Quotes

ROMANCE, n. Fiction that owes no allegiance to the God of Things as They Are. In the novel the writer's thought is tethered to probability, but in romance it ranges at will over the entire region of the imagination . . .

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Imagination Quotes , Romance Quotes

It is evident that skepticism, while it makes no actual change in man, always makes him feel better.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Change Quotes , Feel Better Quotes

LECTURER, n. One with his hand in your pocket, his tongue in your ear and his faith in your patience.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Faith Quotes , Science Quotes

SACERDOTALIST, n. One who holds the belief that a clergyman is a priest. Denial of this momentous doctrine is the hardest challenge that is now flung into the teeth of the Episcopalian church by the Neo-Dictionarians.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Challenges Quotes , Church Quotes

Pertaining to a certain order of architecture, otherwise known as Normal American. Most of the public buildings of the United States are of the Ramshackle order, though some of our earlier architects preferred the Ironic. Recent additions to the White House in Washington are Theo-Doric, the ecclesiastic order of the Dorians. They are exceedingly fine and cost one hundred dollars a brick.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Order Quotes , White Quotes

To the eye of failure success is an accident.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Eye Quotes , Success Failure Quotes

He laughs best who laughs least.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes

PANDEMONIUM, n. Literally, the Place of All the Demons. Most of them have escaped into politics and finance, and the place is now used as a lecture hall by the Audible Reformer.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Politics Quotes , Lectures Quotes

Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Faith Quotes , Christian Quotes

REPARTEE, n. Prudent insult in retort. Practiced by gentlemen with a constitutional aversion to violence, but a strong disposition to offend. In a war of words, the tactics of the North American Indian.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Strong Quotes , War Quotes

GNU, n. An animal of South Africa, which in its domesticated state resembles a horse, a buffalo and a stag. In its wild condition it is something like a thunderbolt, an earthquake and a cyclone.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Horse Quotes , Animal Quotes

There was never a genius who was not thought a fool until he disclosed himself; whereas he is a fool then only.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Genius Quotes