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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- Prejudice - a vagrant opinion without visible means of support.
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- CANNON, n. An instrument employed in the rectification of national boundaries.
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- A bad workman quarrels with the man who calls him that.
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- WHEAT, n. A cereal from which a tolerably good whisky can be made; . . . also for bread. The French are said to eat more bread "per capita" of population than any other people, which is natural, for only they know how to make the stuff palatable.
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- MONARCH, n. A person engaged in reigning. Formerly the monarch ruled, as the derivation of the word attests, and as many subjects have had occasion to learn.
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- The poor man's price of admittance to the favor of the rich is his self-respect.
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- A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms agains himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it.
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- Insurrection. An unsuccessful revolution; disaffection's failure to substitute misrule for bad government.
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- Youth looks forward, for nothing is behind! Age backward, for nothing is before.
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- Condole - to show that bereavement is a smaller evil than sympathy.
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- Optimism - the doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
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- PANDEMONIUM, n. Literally, the Place of All the Demons. Most of them have escaped into politics and finance, and the place is now used as a lecture hall by the Audible Reformer.
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- TZETZE (or TSETSE) FLY, n. An African insect ("Glossina morsitans") whose bite is commonly regarded as nature's most efficacious remedy for insomnia, though some patients prefer that of the American novelist ("Mendax interminabilis").
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- ZOOLOGY, n. The science and history of the animal kingdom, including its king, the House Fly ("Musca maledicta"). The father of Zoology was Aristotle, as is universally conceded, but the name of its mother has not come down to us.
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- At war with savages and idiots. To be a Frenchman abroad is to be miserable; to be an American abroad is to make others miserable.
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- DELEGATION, n. In American politics, an article of merchandise that comes in sets.
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- Fashion, n. A despot whom the wise ridicule and obey.
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- DEINOTHERIUM, n. An extinct pachyderm that flourished when the Pterodactyl was in fashion. The latter was a native of Ireland, its name being pronounced Terry Dactyl or Peter O'Dactyl, as the man pronouncing it may chance to have heard it spoken or seen it printed.
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- A modern school where football is taught.
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- Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Misses (Mrs.) and Mister (Mr.) are the three most distinctly disagreeable words in the language, in sound and sense.
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