Adam Carolla Quotes, Passion Quotes, Office Quotes

Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Passion Quotes , Office Quotes

I swear my car won't run unless I'm picking my nose: At least, I'm that superstitious about it, so I don't want to take any chances.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Running Quotes , Car Quotes

People look at me, and they go, 'You're white, you're smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.'

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Smart Quotes , College Quotes

What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Hands Quotes , Common Sense Quotes

A lot of people would say, to be truthful is to tell all, every dalliance, every crisis. They might be right on paper, but in practice, it's not a great way to go.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Practice Quotes , People Quotes

The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Reason Why Quotes , Reason Quotes

You don't realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It's a card you get so you can navigate society.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Cards Quotes , Use Quotes

We're all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it. Telling them to stop isn't going to help. There has to be some incentive for them to alter their behavior.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Sex Quotes , Thinking Quotes

I have no connection with Hollywood. I'm not interested. I don't care.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Hollywood Quotes , Connections Quotes

If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they'd be off TV. They're not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we'd know who she was?

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Joy Quotes

I am not a good cue card reader.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Cards Quotes

If in 1989 I said, 'I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,' they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Butterfly Quotes , Beer Quotes

I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I'm not interested in hurting their feelings.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Hurt Quotes , Nice Quotes

To make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can't you do.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Important Quotes , Ability Quotes

I don't burn any calories trying to be masculine; I just happen to be from that world.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Trying Quotes , World Quotes

Honestly, I've always had difficulty relaxing, unwinding and going to bed - that kind of stuff.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Bed Quotes , Stuff Quotes

When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it's about fudge packing and triple D's at 13.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Growing Up Quotes

When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn’t imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I’m gone for six days it feels like too much.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Christmas Quotes , Dad Quotes

The shuttle is the worst $20 you'll ever save. It adds 90 minutes to whatever a Town Car or cab would have been. You have the unenviable choice between being dropped off last or being dropped off first and having a bunch of losers who can't afford cab fare and have no friends or loved ones with cars knowing exactly where you live.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Travel Quotes , Knowing Quotes

My life is about building and working and wrenching on some cars.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Car Quotes , Life Is Quotes