Mark Twain Quotes, Inspirational Quotes, Funny Quotes

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

A great, great deal has been said about the weather, but very little has ever been done.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Weather Quotes , Littles Quotes

Often a quite assified remark becomes sanctified by use and petrified by custom; it is then a permanency, its term of activity a geologic period.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Use Quotes , Periods Quotes

Yesterday, everybody smoked his last cigar, took his last drink and swore his last oath. Today, we are a pious and exemplary community. Thirty days from now, we shall have cast our reformation to the winds and gone to cutting our ancient shortcomings considerably shorter than ever.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

You believe in a book that has talking animals, wizards, witches, demons, sticks turning into snakes, burning bushes, food falling from the sky, people walking on water, and all sorts of magical, absurd and primitive stories, and you say that we are the ones that need help?

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Motivational Quotes

Monarchies, aristocracies, and religions....there was never a country where the majority of the people were in their secret hearts loyal to any of these institutions.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Country Quotes , Heart Quotes

The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven not man's.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Dog Quotes , Men Quotes

If I can capture truth in its simplest form, beauty will follow like a sledgehammer.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Form Quotes , Capture Quotes

I admire him, I frankly confess it; and when his time is come I shall buy a piece of the rope for a keepsake.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Time Quotes , Rope Quotes

There is nothing so annoying as a good example!!

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Example Quotes , Annoying Quotes

Nature knows no indecencies; man invents them.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Nature Quotes , Men Quotes

The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but the fly comes close.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Religious Quotes

I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get the same money for cop.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Money Quotes , Writing Quotes

I fell in love with the most cordial and sociable city in the Union.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Cities Quotes , San Francisco Quotes

I do not like an injurious lie, except when it injures somebody else.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes

The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and starting on the first one.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Life Quotes

The human being places sexual intercourse above all other joys, but leaves it out of his heaven.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Joy Quotes , Heaven Quotes

If there is one thing that will make a man peculiarly and insufferable self-conceited, it is to have his stomach behave itself, the first day at sea, when nearly all his comrades are seasick.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Conceited Quotes

Wherein lies a poet's claim to originality? That he invents his incidents? No. That he was present when his episodes had their birth? No. That he was first to repeat them? No. None of these things has any value. He confers on them their only originality that has any value, and that is his way of telling them.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Lying Quotes , Way Quotes

I could be an idiot, or I can serve in Congress, but I repeat myself.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Idiot Quotes , Congress Quotes