Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

....try the mustard, - a man can't know what turnips are in perfection without mustard.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Perfection Quotes

Be good and you will be lonely.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Lonely Quotes , Loneliness Quotes

Explaining humor is a lot like dissecting a frog, you learn a lot in the process, but in the end you kill it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Frogs Quotes , Ends Quotes

We often feel sad in the presence of music without words; and often more than that in the presence of music without music.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Sad Quotes , Music Quotes

We can't reach old age by another man's road.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Birthday Quotes , Men Quotes

Adam did not want the apple for the apple's sake; he wanted it because it was forbidden.

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April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Even popularity can be overdone. In Rome, along at first, you are full of regrets that Michelangelo died; but by and by, you only regret that you didn't see him do it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Regret Quotes , Rome Quotes

I hate editors, for they make me abandon a lot of perfectly good English words.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Hate Quotes , Perfectly Good Quotes

Prohibition only drives drunkenness behind doors and into dark places, and does not cure it or even diminish it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Dark Quotes , Doors Quotes

If we would learn what the human race really is at bottom, we need only observe it in election times.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Race Quotes , Political Quotes

Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

What a man wants with religion in these breadless times, surpasses my comprehension.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Religion Quotes

Man is the only Patriot. He sets himself apart in his own country, under his own flag, and sneers at the other nations, and keeps multitudinous uniformed assassins on hand at heavy expense to grab slices of other people's countries, and keep them from grabbing slices of his. And in the intervals between campaigns he washes the blood off his hands and works for the universal brotherhood of man - with his mouth.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Country Quotes , Patriotic Quotes

Beautiful credit! The foundation of modern society. Who shall say that this is not the golden age of mutual trust, of unlimited reliance upon human promises? That is a peculiar condition of society which enables a whole nation to instantly recognize point and meaning in the familiar newspaper anecdote, which puts into the mouth of a distinguished speculator in lands and mines this remark: -- I wasn't worth a cent two years ago, and now I owe two millions of dollars.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Beautiful Quotes , Two Quotes

One can enjoy a rainbow without necessarily forgetting the forces that made it.

6 years ago

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None of us can be as great as God, but any of us can be as good.

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Nothing exists but you. And you are but a thought.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Atheist Quotes , Atheism Quotes

That's just the way: a person does a low-down thing, and then he don't want to take no consequences of it. Thinks as long as he can hide it, it ain't no disgrace.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Long Quotes