Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Money Quotes

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

The joy of killing! the joy of seeing killing done - these are traits of the human race at large.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Race Quotes , Joy Quotes

I have only one moral precept; never smoke more than five cigars at a time.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Moral Quotes , Cigar Quotes

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Life Quotes , Graduation Quotes

All human rules are more or less idiotic.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Idiotic Quotes , Conventionality Quotes

It's my opinion that every one I know has morals, though I wouldn't like to ask. I know I have. But I'd rather teach them than practice them any day. "Give them to others"-that's my motto.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Practice Quotes , Giving Quotes

Do good when you can, and charge when you think they will stand it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes

Methuselah lived to be 969 years old . You boys and girls will see more in the next fifty years than Methuselah saw in his whole lifetime.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Girl Quotes , Time Quotes

What is it that strikes a spark of humor from a man? It is the effort to throw off, to fight back the burden of grief that is laid on each one of us. In youth we don't feel it, but as we grow to manhood we find the burden on our shoulders. Humor? It is nature's effort to harmonize conditions. The further the pendulum swings out over woe the further it is bound to swing back over mirth.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Grief Quotes , Humor Quotes

July 4. Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day than in all the other days of the year put together. This proves, by the number left in stock, that one fourth of July per year is now inadequate, the country has grown so

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Country Quotes , 4th Of July Quotes

Self-approval is acquired mainly from the approval of other people.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Approval Of Others Quotes , Self Quotes

The institution of royalty in any form is an insult to the human race.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspiration Quotes , Humility Quotes

What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Real Quotes , Literature Quotes

The cost of living hasn't effected its popularity.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Cost Of Living Quotes , Cost Quotes

Just because you’re taught that something’s right and everyone believes it’s right, it don’t make it right.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Believe Quotes

A little lie can travel half way 'round the world while Truth is still lacing up her boots.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Lying Quotes , Boots Quotes

Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Half Quotes

I deal with temptation by yielding to it.

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Not all the Greek runners in the original Olympics were totally naked. Some wore shoes.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Shoes Quotes , Greek Quotes

Moralists and philosophers have adjudged those who throw temptation in the way of the erring, equally guilty with those who are thereby led into evil

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Evil Quotes , Temptation Quotes