Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Witty Quotes

Sacred cows make the best hamburger.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

When politics enter into municipal government, nothing resulting therefrom in the way of crimes and infamies is then incredible. It actually enables one to accept and believe the impossible.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Believe Quotes , Government Quotes

We called him Barney for short. We couldn't use his real name, there wasn't time.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Real Quotes , Names Quotes

To say a compliment well is a high art and few possess it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Art Quotes , Flattery Quotes

When I want to read something nice, I sit down and write it myself.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Nice Quotes , Writing Quotes

The frankest and freest and privatest product of the human mind and heart is a love letter.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Heart Quotes , Mind Quotes

The Mississippi River towns are comely, clean, well built, and pleasing to the eye, and cheering to the spirit. The Mississippi Valley is as reposeful as a dreamland, nothing worldly about it . . . nothing to hang a fret or a worry upon.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Cheer Quotes , Eye Quotes

You are about as happy as you make up your mind to be.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Attitude Quotes , Mind Quotes

I was exceedingly delighted with the waltz, and also with the polka. These differ in name, but there the difference ceases

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Names Quotes , Differences Quotes

Wheresoever she was, there was Eden.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes

A pilot must have a memory developed to absolute perfection. But there are two higher qualities which he also must have. He must have good and quick judgment and decision, and a cool, calm courage that no peril can shake.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Memories Quotes , Two Quotes

A dollar picked up in the road is more satisfaction to you than the ninety-and -nine which you had to work for, and money won at faro or in stock snuggles into your heart in the same way.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Heart Quotes , Luck Quotes

I cannot keep from talking, even at the risk of being instructive.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Communication Quotes , Talking Quotes

Most writers regard the truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are most economical in its use.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Weather is a literary specialty, and no untrained hand can turn out a good article on it

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Weather Quotes , Hands Quotes

Low comedies are written for the drawing-room, the kitchen and the stable, and if you cut out the kitchen and the stable the drawing-room can't support the play by itself.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Cutting Quotes , Play Quotes

I like criticism, but it must be my way.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Criticism Quotes , Way Quotes

A little more kindness, A little less speed, A little more giving, A little less greed, A little more smile, A little less frown, A little less kicking, A man while he's down, A little more "We", A little less "I", A little more laugh, A little less cry, A little more flowers, On the pathway of life, And fewer on graves, At the end of the strife.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Kindness Quotes , Flower Quotes

In early times some sufferer had to sit up with a toothache, and he put in the time inventing the German language.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , German Language Quotes , Awful Quotes

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Life Quotes