Mark Twain Quotes, Coffee Quotes, Wine Quotes

Nothing agrees with me. If I drink coffee, it gives me dyspepsia; if I drink wine, it gives me the gout; if I go to church, it gives me dysentery.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Coffee Quotes , Wine Quotes

In God We Trust. It is the choicest compliment that has ever been paid us, and the most gratifying to our feelings. It is simple, direct, gracefully phrased; it always sounds well - In God We Trust. I don't believe it would sound any better if it were true.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Believe Quotes , Simple Quotes

Go to bed early, get up early-this is wise.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Wise Quotes , Up Early Quotes

Indeed, none but the Deity can tell what is good luck and what is bad before the returns are all in.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Good Luck Quotes , Luck Quotes

The pitifulest thing out is a mob; that's what an army is--a mob; they don't fight with courage that's born in them, but with courage that's borrowed from their mass, and from their officers. But a mob without any MAN at the head of it is BENEATH pitifulness.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Fighting Quotes , Army Quotes

One must travel, to learn. Every day, now, old Scriptural phrases that never possessed any significance for me before, take to themselves a meaning.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Travel Quotes

I can't do no literary work for the rest of this year because I'm meditating another lawsuit and looking around for a defendant.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Work Quotes , Writing Quotes

There is one notable thing about our Christianity: bad, bloody, merciless, money-grabbing, and predatory. The invention of hell measured by our Christianity of today, bad as it is, hypocritical as it is, empty and hollow as it is, neither the deity nor his son is a Christian, nor qualified for that moderately high place. Ours is a terrible religion. The fleets of the world could swim in spacious comfort in the innocent blood it has spilled.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Christian Quotes , Son Quotes

Never miss an opportunity to shut up.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Communication Quotes , Opportunity Quotes

I never felt so fervently thankful, so soothed, so tranquil, so filled with the blessed peace, as I did yesterday when I learned that Michael Angelo was dead.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Blessed Quotes , Yesterday Quotes

To be good is noble; but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Life Quotes

Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one was that they escaped teething.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Mom Quotes , Baby Quotes

It is plain that there is one moral law for heaven and another for the earth. The pulpit assures us that wherever we see suffering and sorrow, which we can relieve and do not, we sin, heavily. There was never yet a case of suffering or sorrow which God could not relieve. Does He sin then?

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Law Quotes , Heaven Quotes

Beautiful credit! The foundation of modern society.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Beautiful Quotes , Foundation Quotes

Heroine: Girl in a book who is saved from drowning by a hero and marries him next week, but if it was to be over again ten years later it is likely she would rather have a life-belt and he would rather have her have it. Hero: Person in a book who does things which he can't and girl marries him for it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Girl Quotes , Book Quotes

The less a man knows the bigger the noise he makes and the higher the salary he commands.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Salary Quotes

Take your mind out every now and then and dance on it. It is getting all caked up.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Mind Quotes

Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run. Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Education Quotes , Running Quotes

Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether. A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Ignorance Quotes , Clean Desk Quotes

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Change Quotes