Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Nice Quotes

The idea that no gentleman ever swears is all wrong. He can swear and still be a gentleman if he does it in a nice and benevolent and affectionate way.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Nice Quotes

One of life's most over-valued pleasures is sexual intercourse; of one of life's least appreciated pleasures in defecation.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Love Quotes , Appreciated Quotes

Everything human is pathetic

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It is a good idea to obey all the rules when you're young just so you'll have the strength to break them when you're old.

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I have tried getting up early, and I have tried getting up late-and the latter agrees with me best.

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Most men die at 27, we just bury them at 72.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes

That is a society editor, sitting there elegantly dressed, with his legs crossed in that indolent way, observing the clothes the ladies wear, so that he can describe them for his paper and make them out finer than they are and get bribes for it and become wealthy.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Editors Quotes , Clothes Quotes

There's nobody for me to attack in this matter even with soft and gentle ridicule-and I shouldn't ever think of using a grown up weapon in this kind of a nursery. Above all, I couldn't venture to attack the clergymen whom you mention, for I have their habits and live in the same glass house which they are occupying. I am always reading immoral books on the sly, and then selfishly trying to prevent other people from having the same wicked good time.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Book Quotes , Reading Quotes

Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.

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How empty is theory in the presence of fact!

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A banker is somebody who lends you an umbrella & takes it away as soon as it starts raining.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Rain Quotes , Bankers Quotes

No amount of evidence will ever persuade an idiot

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Reality can be beaten with enough imagination.

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Get a bicycle. You will not regret it, if you live.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Regret Quotes , Healing Quotes

The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Sweet Quotes , Children Quotes

Don't dream your life, but live your dream

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The finest clothing made is a person's own skin, but, of course, society demands something more than this.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Society Quotes , Skins Quotes

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

The more you explain it, the more I don't understand it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Life Quotes , Vaccines Quotes

But it warn't no time to be sentimentering.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes