Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Life Quotes

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Make your mark in New York and you are a made man.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , New York Quotes , Men Quotes

When a man's dog turns against hime, it is time for his wife to pack her trunk and go home to mamma.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Dog Quotes , Home Quotes

She was not quite what you would call refined. She was not quite what you would call unrefined. She was the kind of person that keeps a parrot.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Kindness Quotes , Bird Quotes

The devil's aversion to holy water is a light matter compared with a despots dread of a newspaper that laughs.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Light Quotes , Water Quotes

Creed and opinion change with time, and their symbols perish; but Literature and its temples are sacred to all creeds and inviolate.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Literature Quotes , Sacred Quotes

Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Travel Quotes , Fun Quotes

The exercise of an extraordinary gift is the supremest pleasure in life.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Life Quotes , Exercise Quotes

Every person is a book, each year a chapter.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Book Quotes , Years Quotes

The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to the other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creatures that cannot.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Recovery Quotes , Animal Quotes

There are many scapegoats for our sins, but the most popular one is Providence.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , God Quotes , Religious Quotes

It's my opinion that every one I know has morals, though I wouldn't like to ask. I know I have. But I'd rather teach them than practice them any day. "Give them to others"-that's my motto.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Practice Quotes , Giving Quotes

I do not see how astronomers can help feeling exquisitely insignificant, for every new page of the Book of the Heavens they open reveals to them more and more that the world we are so proud of is to the universe of careening globes as is one mosquito to the winged and hoofed flocks and herds that darken the air and populate the plains and forests of all the earth. If you killed the mosquito would it be missed? Verily, What is Man, that he should be considered of God?

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Book Quotes , Men Quotes

Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

So far as I am able to judge, nothing has been left undone, either by man or nature, to make India the most extraordinary country that the sun visits on his rounds. Nothing seems to have been forgotten, nothing overlooked.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Country Quotes , Men Quotes

I wonder how much it would take to buy a soap bubble, if there were only one in the world.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Soap Bubbles Quotes , World Quotes

There is only one good sex. The female one.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Sex Quotes , Good Sex Quotes

Simple rules for saving money: To save half, when you are fired by an eager impulse to contribute to a charity, wait and count to forty. To save three quarters, count sixty. To save all, count sixty-five.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Simple Quotes , Waiting Quotes

I like the truth sometimes, but I don't care enough for it to hanker after it.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Truth Quotes , Care Quotes

I have never heard enough classical music to be able to enjoy it; & the simple truth is, I detest it. Not mildly, but will all my heart. To me an opera is the very climax & cap-stone of the absurd, the fantastic the unjustifiable. I hate the very name of opera - partly because of the nights of suffering I have endured in its presence, & partly because I want to love it and can't.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hate Quotes