Winston Churchill Quotes, Funny Quotes, Witty Quotes

In war it does not matter who is right, but who is left.

5 years ago

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No object is so beautiful that, under certain conditions, it will not look ugly.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beauty Quotes

A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Inspirational Life Quotes

As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

If you pretend to be good, the world takes you very seriously. If you pretend to be bad, it doesn't. Such is the astounding stupidity of optimism.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

"I go so far as to say, miss, morehover," proceeded Mr. Cruncher, with a most alarming tendency to hold forth as from a pulpit-"and let my words be took down and took to Mrs. Cruncher through yourself-that wot my opinions respectin' flopping has undergone a change, and that wot I only hope with all my heart as Mrs. Cruncher may be a flopping at the present time."

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Men at most differ as Heaven and Earth, but women, worst and best, as Heaven and Hell.

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Tags : Alfred Lord Tennyson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Women Quotes

I can resist everything except temptation.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Accuracy to a newspaper is what virtue is to a lady; but a newspaper can always print a retraction.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adlai E. Stevenson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Journalism Quotes

I'm really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it's a million miles down the road.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Only one marriage I regret. I remember after I got that marriage license I went across from the license bureau to a bar for a drink. The bartender said, "What will you have, sir?" And I said, "A glass of hemlock."

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

whenever the literary german dives into a sentence, this is the last you are going to see of him till he emerges on the other side of his atlantic with his verb in his mouth.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

A modest ring at the bell at length allayed her fears, and Miss Benton, hurrying into her own room and shutting herself up, in order that she might preserve that appearance of being taken by surprise which is so essential to the polite reception of visitors, awaited their coming with a smiling countenance.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

It being a part of Mrs. Pipchin's system not to encourage a child's mind to develop and expand itself like a young flower, but to open it by force like an oyster.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Children Quotes

In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.

6 years ago

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Give women the vote, and in five years there will be a crushing tax on bachelors.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Crush Quotes

Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Eating words has never given me indigestion.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Health Quotes