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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- When I was young I thought that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old I know that it is.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- I believe in the discipline of silence, and could talk for hours about it.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Hatred is blind, as well as love.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- The play was a great success, but audience was a dismal failure.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- No, my friend, I am not drunk. I have just been to the dentist, and need not return for another six months! Is it not the most beautiful thought? --Poirot
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Tags : Agatha Christie Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beautiful Quotes
- Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sex Quotes
- Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Everything in moderation, including moderation.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- If one tells the truth, one is sure, sooner or later, to be found out.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes
- I got drunk in Canada. I was there for 2 days but I was drunk there for 4 days. I don't know how it worked. I guess it was with the time difference or something.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- A day wasted on others is not wasted on one's self.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Don't you drink? I notice you speak slightingly of the bottle. I have drunk since I was fifteen and few things have given me more pleasure.
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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Dad taught me everything I know. Unfortunately, he didn't teach me everything he knows.
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Tags : Al Unser Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes
- Worrying is like paying a debt you don't owe.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- One frequently only finds out how really beautiful a really beautiful woman is after considerable acquaintance with her; and the rule applies to Niagara Falls, to majestic mountains, and to mosques-especially to mosques.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beauty Quotes
- He took the bride about the neck and kissed her lips with such a clamorous smack that at the parting all the church did echo.
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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kissing Quotes
- I have always been of opinion that a man who desires to get married should know either everything or nothing.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Husband Quotes
- Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes