Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, America Quotes

It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , America Quotes

Abscond - to move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Moving Quotes

He was drunk upon the average once a day, and penitent upon an equally fair calculation once a month; and when he was penitent, he was invariably in the very last stage of maudlin intoxication. He was a ragged, roving, roaring kind of fellow, with a burly form, a sharp wit, and a ready head, and could turn his hand to anything when he chose to do it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I observe the physician with the same diligence as the disease.

5 years ago

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Tags : John Donne Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Do not worry if others do not understand you. Instead worry if you do not understand others.

5 years ago

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Tags : Confucius Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Mr. and Mrs. Boffin sat staring at mid-air, and Mrs. Wilfer sat silently giving them to understand that every breath she drew required to be drawn with a self-denial rarely paralleled in history.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him.

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

The funniest things are the forbidden.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Poor Mr. Pickwick! ... If he played a wrong card, Miss Bolo looked a small armoury of daggers; if he stopped to consider which was the right one, Lady Snuphanuph would throw herself back in her chair, and smile with a mingled glance of impatience and pity to Mrs. Colonel Wugsby, at which Mrs. Colonel Wugsby would shrug up her shoulders, and cough, as much as to say she wondered whether he ever would begin.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The dog is very smart. He feels sorry for me because I receive so much mail; that's why he tries to bite the mailman.

5 years ago

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes

By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say, well done. And to the C students, I say, you too can be president of the United States.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Graduation Quotes

Like the measles, love is most dangerous when it comes late in life.

5 years ago

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

Genius is born-not paid

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

I have made up my mind that I must have money, Pa. I feel that I can't beg it, borrow it, or steal it; and so I have resolved that I must marry it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eyewitness.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hilarious Quotes

Why, except as a means of livelihood, a man should desire to act on the stage when he has the whole world to act in, is not clear to me.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mean Quotes

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

It takes a thoroughly good woman to do a thoroughly stupid thing

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Women Quotes