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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes
- You don't ever ask a barber whether you need a haircut.
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Tags : Warren Buffett Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- Why, except as a means of livelihood, a man should desire to act on the stage when he has the whole world to act in, is not clear to me.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mean Quotes
- A beautiful vacuum filled with wealthy monogamists, all powerful and members of the best families all drinking themselves to death.
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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beautiful Quotes
- A jury too often has at least one member more ready to hang the panel than to hang the traitor.
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Tags : Abraham Lincoln Quotes , Funny Quotes , Success Quotes
- It's your money. You paid for it.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
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Tags : Abraham Lincoln Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- In heaven, all the interesting people are missing.
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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- ... As to sleep, you know, I never sleep now. I might be a Watchman, except that I don't get any pay, and he's got nothing on his mind.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Everybody who is incapable of learning has taken to teaching.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- NAPOLEON: What shall we do with this soldier, Giuseppe? Everything he says is wrong. GIUSEPPE: Make him a general, Excellency, and then everything he says will be right.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes
- A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world and it's efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read-
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- In America any boy may become President, and I suppose it's just one of the risks he takes.
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Tags : Adlai E. Stevenson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- great people are those who make others feel that they, too, can become great.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kindness Quotes
- Nothing can confound a wise man more than laughter from a dunce.
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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happiness Quotes
- A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes