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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Will the highways on the Internet become more few?
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes
- The Common Law of England has been laboriously built about a mythical figure-the figure of 'The Reasonable Man'.
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Tags : A. P. Herbert Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren't.
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes
- Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Drinking Quotes
- Beauty is an outward gift, which is seldom despised, except by those to whom it has been refused.
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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beauty Quotes
- There is no such passion in human nature, as the passion for gravy among commercial gentlemen.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Most people's major life changes don't come from reading an article in the newspaper; they come from reading longer-form essays or thoughtful books, which are much more convincing and detailed.
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Tags : Aaron Swartz Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Is man one of God's blunders? Or is God one of man's blunders?
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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes
- You shouldn't be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- I got drunk in Canada. I was there for 2 days but I was drunk there for 4 days. I don't know how it worked. I guess it was with the time difference or something.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- Religion is like a blind man looking in a black room for a black cat that isn't there, and finding it.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- All TV is, is really: 'Don't you want to be this, aren't you glad you're not that.' There's nothing really in the middle.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- To be clever enough to get all that money, one must be stupid enough to want it.
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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes
- We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Learning French is trivial: the word for horse is cheval, and everything else follows in the same way.
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Tags : Alan Perlis Quotes , Funny Quotes , Horse Quotes
- One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other.
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Tags : Jane Austen Quotes , Funny Quotes , Success Quotes
- If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Business Quotes