George Bernard Shaw Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

A doctor's reputation is made by the number of eminent men who die under his care.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Now, because he knows that his economic theories don't work, he's been spending these last few days calling me every name in the book. Lately he's called me a socialist for wanting to roll-back the Bush tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans so we can finally give tax relief to the middle class. I don't know what's next. By the end of the week he'll be accusing me of being a secret communist because I shared my toys in kindergarten. I shared my peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

5 years ago

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Tags : Barack Obama Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

To buy books would be a good thing if we could also buy the time to read them; but the purchase of books is often mistaken for the assimilation and mastering of their contents.

5 years ago

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Tags : Arthur Schopenhauer Quotes , Funny Quotes , Book Quotes

The girls are beautiful in Hollywood - and enough silicon to caulk a sink.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beautiful Quotes

The concept of two people living together for 25 years without a serious dispute suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep.

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Tags : A. P. Herbert Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

It is perfectly monstrous,' he said, at last, 'the way people go about nowadays saying things against one behind one's back that are absolutely and entirely true.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Clever Quotes

The Common Law of England has been laboriously built about a mythical figure-the figure of 'The Reasonable Man'.

6 years ago

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Tags : A. P. Herbert Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mothers Day Quotes

The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Trust Quotes

The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sister Quotes

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Motivational Quotes

The last thing one discovers in composing a work is what to put first.

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Work Quotes

Those who love not their fellow-beings live unfruitful lives, and prepare for their old age a miserable grave.

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Tags : Percy Bysshe Shelley Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kindness Quotes

The youth of America is their oldest tradition. It has been going on now for three hundred years.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

All happy families resemble one another, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.

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Tags : Leo Tolstoy Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

" ... It is not my desire to wound the feelings of any person with whom I am connected in family bonds. I may be a hypocrite," said Mr. Pecksniff, cuttingly, "but I am not a brute."

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Not to have control over the senses is like sailing in a rudderless ship, bound to break to pieces on coming in contact with the very first rock.

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Tags : Mahatma Gandhi Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Sixth grade was a big time, in my childhood, of hoops and friendship, and coming up with funny things.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Sandler Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes

On how to make the game more exciting - Eliminate the referees, raise the basket four feet, double the size of the basketball, limit the height of the players to 5 feet 9 inches, bring back the centre jump, allow taxi drivers in for free and allow the players to carry guns.

6 years ago

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Tags : Al McGuire Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes