Voltaire Quotes, Funny Quotes, Witty Quotes

The superfluous, a very necessary thing.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Jane Austen Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

When I was a kid I used to hate getting picked for team sports. It would be the fit and sporty guys over there. And me and the fat kids over here. Those kids were fat! One girl had to be cut out a hula hoop.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Alan Carr Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes

I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Smoking Quotes

Out upon merry Christmas! What's Christmas time to you but a time for paying bills without money; a time for finding yourself a year older, but not an hour richer...? If I could work my will," said Scrooge indignantly, "every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' upon his lips should be boiled with his won pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. He should!

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Christmas Quotes

Young men want to be faithful, and are not. Old men want to be faithless, and cannot.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Democracy is an awful way to run a country, but it's the best system we have.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Country Quotes

Auto racing, bull fighting, and mountain climbing are the only real sports... all the others are games.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sports Quotes

Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hilarious Quotes

It is a wise child that knows its own father, and an unusual one that unreservedly approves of him.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wise Quotes

Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of the human race.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : H. G. Wells Quotes , Funny Quotes , Cycling Quotes

I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

You can put lipstick on a pig. It's still a pig.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Barack Obama Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Religion is like a blind man looking in a black room for a black cat that isn't there, and finding it.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

It is only by not paying one's bills that one can hope to live in the memory of the commercial classes.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

The idea that no gentleman ever swears is all wrong. He can swear and still be a gentleman if he does it in a nice and benevolent and affectionate way.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Nice Quotes