Charles Dickens Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

"It's an old habit of mine, Wal'r," said the Captain, "any time these fifty year. When you see Ned Cuttle bite his nails, Wal'r, then you may know that Ned Cuttle's aground."

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A modest ring at the bell at length allayed her fears, and Miss Benton, hurrying into her own room and shutting herself up, in order that she might preserve that appearance of being taken by surprise which is so essential to the polite reception of visitors, awaited their coming with a smiling countenance.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Misery acquaints a man with strange bedfellows.

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Depression Quotes

I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is.

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Tags : Francis Bacon Quotes , Funny Quotes , Laughter Quotes

A day wasted on others is not wasted on one's self.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

All of us contain Music & Truth, but most of us can't get it out.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes

It's hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse.

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Tags : Adlai E. Stevenson Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

... Take another glass of wine, and excuse my mentioning that society as a body does not expect one to be so strictly conscientious in emptying one's glass, as to turn it bottom upwards with the rim on one's nose.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Country Quotes

Two people getting together to write a book is like three people getting together to have a baby. One of them is superfluous.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Baby Quotes

If there are no cigars in heaven, I shall not go.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Sixth grade was a big time, in my childhood, of hoops and friendship, and coming up with funny things.

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Tags : Adam Sandler Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes

Ignorance of the law excuses no man from practicing it.

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Tags : Addison Mizner Quotes , Funny Quotes , Ignorance Quotes

It is not funny that anything else should fall down; only that a man should fall down... Why do we laugh? Because it is a grave religious matter: it is the Fall of Man. Only man can be absurd: for only man can be dignified.

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Religious Quotes

One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.

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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sex Quotes

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Everything happens to everybody sooner or later if there is time enough.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Change Quotes