Francis Bacon Quotes, Funny Quotes, Family Quotes

Important families are like potatoes. The best parts are underground.

4 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Francis Bacon Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes

Fool me once, shame on - shame on you. Fool me - you can't get fooled again.

4 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes

I have always been of opinion that a man who desires to get married should know either everything or nothing.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Husband Quotes

The humorist who invented trial by jury played a colossal practical joke upon the world, but since we have the system we ought to try and respect it. A thing which is not thoroughly easy to do, when we reflect that by command of the law a criminal juror must be an intellectual vacuum, attached to a melting heart and perfectly macaronian bowels of compassion.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

If you desire to drain to the dregs the fullest cup of scorn and hatred that a fellow human being can pour out for you, let a young mother hear you call dear baby 'it.'

4 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mom Quotes

Murder is always a mistake. One should never do anything that one cannot talk about after dinner.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mistake Quotes

I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses.

4 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Victor Hugo Quotes , Funny Quotes , Horse Quotes

His money is twice tainted: taint yours and taint mine.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Some men are like musical glasses; to produce their finest tones you must keep them wet.

4 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Samuel Taylor Coleridge Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

The Creator made Italy from designs by Michelangelo.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Travel Quotes

Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial 'we.'

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes

Knowledge is invariably a matter of degree: you cannot put your finger upon even the simplest datum and say this we know.

4 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

There is no finer investment for any community than putting milk into babies.

4 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Uplifting Quotes

Most modern calendars mar the sweet simplicity of our lives by reminding us that each day that passes is the anniversary of some perfectly uninteresting event.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Anniversary Quotes

On the outskirts of every agony sits some observant fellow who points.

4 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Virginia Woolf Quotes , Funny Quotes , Art Quotes

Beauty is an outward gift, which is seldom despised, except by those to whom it has been refused.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beauty Quotes

Frazier is so ugly that he should donate his face to the US Bureau of Wild Life.

4 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beauty Quotes

It is no harm to be an ass, if one is content to bray and not kick.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

If you could see my legs when I take my boots off, you'd form some idea of what unrequited affection is.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes