Charles Dickens Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

Think! I've got enough to do, and little enough to get for it, without thinking.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

What am I supposed to do if I go bald? Get a wig? Fat, goofy, gay, wig. I might as well get a piano and start an Elton John tribute act!

6 years ago

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Tags : Alan Carr Quotes , Funny Quotes , Gay Quotes

I have made up my mind that I must have money, Pa. I feel that I can't beg it, borrow it, or steal it; and so I have resolved that I must marry it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Like the measles, love is most dangerous when it comes late in life.

5 years ago

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happiness Quotes

Please do not shoot the pianist. He is doing his best.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.

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Tags : Anton Chekhov Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

He was drunk upon the average once a day, and penitent upon an equally fair calculation once a month; and when he was penitent, he was invariably in the very last stage of maudlin intoxication. He was a ragged, roving, roaring kind of fellow, with a burly form, a sharp wit, and a ready head, and could turn his hand to anything when he chose to do it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Few women care to be laughed at and men not at all, except for large sums of money.

6 years ago

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Tags : Alan Ayckbourn Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Politics is perhaps the only profession for which no preparation is thought necessary.

5 years ago

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Tags : Robert Louis Stevenson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , God Quotes

They misunderestimated me.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hilarious Quotes

Baccarat is a game whereby the croupier gathers in money with a flexible sculling oar, then rakes it home. If I could have borrowed his oar I would have stayed.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Home Quotes

The good ended happily, and the bad unhappily. That is what fiction means.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Change Quotes

Knowledge is invariably a matter of degree: you cannot put your finger upon even the simplest datum and say this we know.

5 years ago

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

If you want something said, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman.

5 years ago

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Tags : Margaret Thatcher Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

When the eyes say one thing, and the tongue another, a practiced man relies on the language of the first.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Communication Quotes

If you desire to drain to the dregs the fullest cup of scorn and hatred that a fellow human being can pour out for you, let a young mother hear you call dear baby 'it.'

5 years ago

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mom Quotes