Walt Whitman Quotes, Funny Quotes, Friendship Quotes

I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don't believe I deserved my friends.

5 years ago

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Tags : Walt Whitman Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes

We spent as much money as we could and got as little for it as people could make up their minds to give us. We were always more or less miserable, and most of our acquaintance were in the same condition. There was a gay fiction among us that we were constantly enjoying ourselves, and a skeleton truth that we never did. To the best of my belief, our case was in the last aspect a rather common one.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

There is only one thing in life worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

To be clever enough to get all that money, one must be stupid enough to want it.

4 years ago

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

I observe the physician with the same diligence as the disease.

5 years ago

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Tags : John Donne Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Not to have control over the senses is like sailing in a rudderless ship, bound to break to pieces on coming in contact with the very first rock.

4 years ago

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Tags : Mahatma Gandhi Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Religious Quotes

They misunderestimated me.

4 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hilarious Quotes

It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.

4 years ago

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Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sports Quotes

We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect.

5 years ago

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Tags : Alanis Morissette Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes

If all the fools in this world should die, lordly God how lonely I should be.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Lonely Quotes

A home without a cat — and a well-fed, well-petted and properly revered cat — may be a perfect home, perhaps, but how can it prove title?

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Home Quotes

There is nothing so difficult to marry as a large nose.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

So that's why one of my rules of parody writing is that it's gotta be funny regardless of whether you know the source material. It has to work on its own merit.

5 years ago

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Tags : Al Yankovic Quotes , Funny Quotes , Writing Quotes

Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.

4 years ago

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Food Quotes

He is like a female llama surprised in her bath.

4 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

That's an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone... forever?

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Philosophical Quotes

Three minutes thought would suffice to find this out; but thought is irksome and three minutes is a long time.

5 years ago

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Tags : A. E. Housman Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes