Arthur Schopenhauer Quotes, Funny Quotes, Fate Quotes

What people commonly call fate is mostly their own stupidity.

5 years ago

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Tags : Arthur Schopenhauer Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fate Quotes

One day in the shower, you figure it out. It's a special day in a man's life. I was like, 'Oh, I found me a hobby.'

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Both Miss Lavinia and Miss Clarissa had a superstition, however, that he would have declared his passion, if he had not been cut short in his youth (at about sixty) by over-drinking his constitution, and over-doing an attempt to set it right again by swilling Bath water.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Confront a child, a puppy, and a kitten with a sudden danger; the child will turn instinctively for assistance, the puppy will grovel in abject submission, the kitten will brace its tiny body for a frantic resistance.

4 years ago

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Tags : Hector Hugh Munro Quotes , Funny Quotes , Children Quotes

A jury too often has at least one member more ready to hang the panel than to hang the traitor.

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Tags : Abraham Lincoln Quotes , Funny Quotes , Success Quotes

The United States invariably does the right thing, after having exhausted every other alternative.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

A man who does not think for himself does not think at all.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

No one would remember the Good Samaritan if he'd only had good intentions; he had money as well.

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Tags : Margaret Thatcher Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Give women the vote, and in five years there will be a crushing tax on bachelors.

4 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Crush Quotes

I do not hold that we should rearm in order to fight. I hold that we should rearm in order to parley.

4 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I was never ruined but twice: once when I lost a lawsuit, and once when I won one.

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

For truth is always strange; stranger than fiction.

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes

Sacred cows make the best hamburger.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses.

4 years ago

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Tags : Victor Hugo Quotes , Funny Quotes , Horse Quotes

A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him.

4 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Some medical beast had revived tar-water in those days as a fine medicine, and Mrs. Joe always kept a supply of it in the cupboard; having a belief in its virtues correspondent to its nastiness. At the best of times, so much of this elixir was administered to me as a choice restorative, that I was conscious of going about, smelling like a new fence.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

As one reads history ... one is absolutely sickened, not by the crimes that the wicked have committed, but by the punishments that the good have inflicted.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Many readers judge of the power of a book by the shock it gives their feelings - as some savage tribes determine the power of muskets by their recoil; that being considered best which fairly prostrates the purchaser.

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Tags : Henry Wadsworth Longfellow Quotes , Funny Quotes , Reading Quotes

Whenever cannibals are on the brink of starvation, Heaven, in its infinite mercy, sends them a fat missionary.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes