Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Funny Quotes, Sarcastic Quotes

Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

... Take another glass of wine, and excuse my mentioning that society as a body does not expect one to be so strictly conscientious in emptying one's glass, as to turn it bottom upwards with the rim on one's nose.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

But you shall not escape my iambics.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Catullus Quotes , Funny Quotes

The Creator made Italy from designs by Michelangelo.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Travel Quotes

If A is a success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

To say that obesity is caused by merely consuming too many calories is like saying that the only cause of the American Revolution was the Boston Tea Party.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adelle Davis Quotes , Funny Quotes , Party Quotes

The United States invariably does the right thing, after having exhausted every other alternative.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

It is an old prerogative of kings to govern everything but their passions.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes

I have been an author for 20 years and an ass for 55.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Years Quotes

Between the optimist and the pessimist, the difference is droll. The optimist sees the doughnut; the pessimist the hole!

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Positive Quotes

If you cry ''Forward'' you must be sure to make clear the direction in which to go. Don't you see that if you fail to do that and simply call out the word to a monk and a revolutionary, they will go in precisely opposite directions?

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Anton Chekhov Quotes , Funny Quotes , Failure Quotes

To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say, well done. And to the C students, I say, you too can be president of the United States.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Graduation Quotes

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

The torpid artist seeks inspiration at any cost, by virtue or by vice, by friend or by fiend, by prayer or by wine.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes

What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why!

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

He would make a lovely corpse.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes

I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

" ... It is not my desire to wound the feelings of any person with whom I am connected in family bonds. I may be a hypocrite," said Mr. Pecksniff, cuttingly, "but I am not a brute."

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Now, because he knows that his economic theories don't work, he's been spending these last few days calling me every name in the book. Lately he's called me a socialist for wanting to roll-back the Bush tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans so we can finally give tax relief to the middle class. I don't know what's next. By the end of the week he'll be accusing me of being a secret communist because I shared my toys in kindergarten. I shared my peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Barack Obama Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

General," said the commander of the delinquent brigade, "I am persuaded that any further display of valor by my troops will bring them into collision with the enemy.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Military Quotes