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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- My Dear McClellan, if you don't want to use the army I should like to borrow it for a while. Yours respectfully.
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Tags : Abraham Lincoln Quotes , Funny Quotes , War Quotes
- Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Change Quotes
- The concept of two people living together for 25 years without a serious dispute suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep.
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Tags : A. P. Herbert Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- No one would remember the Good Samaritan if he'd only had good intentions; he had money as well.
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Tags : Margaret Thatcher Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- No sane man will dance.
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Tags : Marcus Tullius Cicero Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beauty Quotes
- A dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier, there's no question about it.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- God created sex. Priests created marriage.
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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes
- I know she's just trying to make things nice, so I do my part. Now, when I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, I turn on the light. I used to just go by sonar: just keep peeing 'til you hear water.
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Nice Quotes
- One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other.
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Tags : Jane Austen Quotes , Funny Quotes , Success Quotes
- I have never heard enough classical music to be able to enjoy it; & the simple truth is, I detest it. Not mildly, but will all my heart. To me an opera is the very climax & cap-stone of the absurd, the fantastic the unjustifiable. I hate the very name of opera - partly because of the nights of suffering I have endured in its presence, & partly because I want to love it and can't.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hate Quotes
- Border relations between Canada and Mexico have never been better.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dad Quotes
- It is always a temptation to a rich and lazy nation, To puff and look important and to say:- 'Though we know we should defeat you, we have not the time to meet you, We will therefore pay you cash to go away.'
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Tags : Rudyard Kipling Quotes , Funny Quotes , Temptation Quotes
- College is a refuge from hasty judgment.
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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , College Quotes
- "Oh!" said my aunt, "I was not aware at first to whom I had the pleasure of objecting."
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- A doctor's reputation is made by the number of eminent men who die under his care.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Accidents will occur in the best regulated families.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes