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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- It is always a temptation to a rich and lazy nation, To puff and look important and to say:- 'Though we know we should defeat you, we have not the time to meet you, We will therefore pay you cash to go away.'
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Tags : Rudyard Kipling Quotes , Funny Quotes , Temptation Quotes
- A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Eating words has never given me indigestion.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Health Quotes
- My way of joking is to tell the truth. That's the funniest joke in the world.
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Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fake People Quotes
- By appreciation, we make excellence in others our own property.
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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Appreciation Quotes
- A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything.
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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Faith Quotes
- He's got his dog trained so that it only does it on newspapers. The trouble is it does it when he's reading the blasted things.
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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes
- May God defend me from my friends: I can defend myself from my enemies.
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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes
- 'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
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Tags : Alfred Lord Tennyson Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Here is the piece. If you can't say fornicate can you say copulate or if not that can you say co-habit? If not that would have to say consummate I suppose. Use your own good taste and judgment.
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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Abscond - to move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Moving Quotes
- The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but the fly comes close.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Religious Quotes
- A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean.
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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Believe Quotes
- Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Success Quotes
- I've just read that I am dead. Don't forget to delete me from your list of subscribers.
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Tags : Rudyard Kipling Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes
- There comes a moment in the day when you have written your pages in the morning, attended to your correspondence in the afternoon, and have nothing further to do. Then comes that hour when you are bored; that's the time for sex.
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Tags : H. G. Wells Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes
- Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and it holds the world together.
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Tags : Oprah Winfrey Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren't.
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes