Alan Coren Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humor Quotes

Since both its national products, snow and chocolate, melt, the cuckoo clock was invented solely in order to give tourists something solid to remember it by.

6 years ago

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Tags : Alan Coren Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

A minister of state is excusable for the harm he does when the helm of government has forced his hand in a storm; but in the calm he is guilty of all the good he does not do.

5 years ago

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

"Peggotty!" repeated Miss Betsey, with some indignation. "Do you mean to say, child, that any human being has gone into a Christian church, and got herself named Peggotty?"

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Christian Quotes

Books are totally useless unless you take their advice. If you just keep reading them, thinking "that's so insightful! that changes everything," but never actually doing anything different, then pretty quickly the feeling will wear off and you'll start searching for another book to fill the void.

6 years ago

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Tags : Aaron Swartz Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

So that's why one of my rules of parody writing is that it's gotta be funny regardless of whether you know the source material. It has to work on its own merit.

6 years ago

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Tags : Al Yankovic Quotes , Funny Quotes , Writing Quotes

Every dream is a prophecy: every jest is an earnest in the womb of Time.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dream Quotes

I have witnessed and greatly enjoyed the first act of everything which Wagner created, but the effect on me has always been so powerful that one act was quite sufficient; whenever I have witnessed two acts I have gone away physically exhausted; and whenever I have ventured an entire opera the result has been the next thing to suicide.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Age Quotes

If one plays good music, people don't listen and if one plays bad music people don't talk.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes

People must not do things for fun. We are not here for fun. There is no reference to fun in any Act of Parliament.

6 years ago

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Tags : A. P. Herbert Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

He appeared to enjoy beyond everything the sound of his own voice. I couldn't wonder at that, for it was mellow and full and gave great importance to every word he uttered. He listened to himself with obvious satisfaction and sometimes gently beat time to his own music with his head or rounded a sentence with his hand.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Democracy is an awful way to run a country, but it's the best system we have.

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Country Quotes

I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier, there's no question about it.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

If A is a success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut

5 years ago

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Confront a child, a puppy, and a kitten with a sudden danger; the child will turn instinctively for assistance, the puppy will grovel in abject submission, the kitten will brace its tiny body for a frantic resistance.

5 years ago

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Tags : Hector Hugh Munro Quotes , Funny Quotes , Children Quotes

Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.

5 years ago

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

My Dear McClellan, if you don't want to use the army I should like to borrow it for a while. Yours respectfully.

6 years ago

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Tags : Abraham Lincoln Quotes , Funny Quotes , War Quotes