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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- He who desires nothing, hopes for nothing, and is afraid of nothing, cannot be an artist.
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Tags : Anton Chekhov Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Sanity is very rare; every man almost and every woman has a dash of madness.
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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Men Quotes
- God created war so that Americans would learn geography.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Dombey and Son had often dealt in hides, but never in hearts. They left that fancy ware to boys and girls, and boarding-schools and books. Mr. Dombey would have reasoned: That a matrimonial alliance with himself must, in the nature of things, be gratifying and honourable to any woman of common sense. That the hope of giving birth to a new partner in such a house, could not fail to awaken a glorious and stirring ambition in the breast of the least ambitious of her sex.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes
- There is no finer investment for any community than putting milk into babies.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Uplifting Quotes
- Thieves respect property. They merely wish the property to become their property that they may more perfectly respect it.
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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Respect Quotes
- Few women care to be laughed at and men not at all, except for large sums of money.
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Tags : Alan Ayckbourn Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes
- Laughter is not at all a bad beginning for a friendship, and it is far the best ending for one.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes
- The humorist who invented trial by jury played a colossal practical joke upon the world, but since we have the system we ought to try and respect it. A thing which is not thoroughly easy to do, when we reflect that by command of the law a criminal juror must be an intellectual vacuum, attached to a melting heart and perfectly macaronian bowels of compassion.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- A crime persevered in a thousand centuries ceases to be a crime, and becomes a virtue. This is the law of custom, and custom supersedes all other forms of law.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- She say, Celie, tell the truth, have you ever found God in church? I never did. I just found a bunch of folks hoping for him to show.
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Tags : Alice Walker Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- In heaven, all the interesting people are missing.
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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- Morality consists of suspecting other people of not being legally married.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- I would rather have a nod from an American, than a snuff- box from an emperor.
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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Military Quotes
- Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- To kill a relative of whom you are tired is something. But to inherit his property afterwards, that is genuine pleasure.
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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes