Catullus Quotes, Funny Quotes

But you shall not escape my iambics.

5 years ago

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Tags : Catullus Quotes , Funny Quotes

There is always something ridiculous about the emotions of people whom one has ceased to love.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

If you're a guy, you have absolutely no idea what's going on at any time in the relationship, ever. Here's what you know: you know when you're getting laid, and you know when it's all over. Those are the only two things you're aware of.

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes

If you send a damned fool to St. Louis, and you don't tell them he's a damned fool, they'll never find out.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

The humorist who invented trial by jury played a colossal practical joke upon the world, but since we have the system we ought to try and respect it. A thing which is not thoroughly easy to do, when we reflect that by command of the law a criminal juror must be an intellectual vacuum, attached to a melting heart and perfectly macaronian bowels of compassion.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

New Year's is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

A beautiful vacuum filled with wealthy monogamists, all powerful and members of the best families all drinking themselves to death.

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beautiful Quotes

My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Book Quotes

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes

Let me see you ride a donkey over my green again, and as sure as you have a head upon your shoulders, I'll knock your bonnet off, and tread upon it!

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Fashions have done more harm than revolutions.

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Tags : Victor Hugo Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wisdom Quotes

The person who writes for fools is always sure of a large audience.

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Tags : Arthur Schopenhauer Quotes , Funny Quotes , Writing Quotes

The only way to be sure of catching a train is to miss the one before it.

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Travel Quotes

My Dear McClellan, if you don't want to use the army I should like to borrow it for a while. Yours respectfully.

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Tags : Abraham Lincoln Quotes , Funny Quotes , War Quotes

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Only one marriage I regret. I remember after I got that marriage license I went across from the license bureau to a bar for a drink. The bartender said, "What will you have, sir?" And I said, "A glass of hemlock."

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

We think our fathers fools, so wise we grow. Our wiser sons, no doubt will think us so.

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Tags : Alexander Pope Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wise Quotes