George Bernard Shaw Quotes, Inspirational Quotes, Funny Quotes

A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Believe Quotes

The French complain of everything, and always.

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Tags : Napoleon Bonaparte Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Clever Quotes

Thieves respect property. They merely wish the property to become their property that they may more perfectly respect it.

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Respect Quotes

Now, because he knows that his economic theories don't work, he's been spending these last few days calling me every name in the book. Lately he's called me a socialist for wanting to roll-back the Bush tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans so we can finally give tax relief to the middle class. I don't know what's next. By the end of the week he'll be accusing me of being a secret communist because I shared my toys in kindergarten. I shared my peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

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Tags : Barack Obama Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beauty Quotes

My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.

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Tags : Theodore Kaczynski Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

It is no harm to be an ass, if one is content to bray and not kick.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

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Tags : Hector Hugh Munro Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world and it's efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read-

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hope Quotes

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.

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Tags : Abba Eban Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

If I cannot smoke in heaven, then I shall not go.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes

Accuracy to a newspaper is what virtue is to a lady; but a newspaper can always print a retraction.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adlai E. Stevenson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Journalism Quotes

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

There ought to be a room in every house to swear in. It's dangerous to have to repress an emotion like that.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

Fifteen referees. I want fifteen referees to be at this fight because there ain't no one man who can keep up with the pace I'm gonna set except me. There's not a man alive who can whup me. I'm too fast. I'm too smart. I'm too pretty. I should be a postage stamp. That's the only way I'll ever get licked.

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Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Funny Quotes , Smart Quotes