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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hilarious Quotes
- Why, except as a means of livelihood, a man should desire to act on the stage when he has the whole world to act in, is not clear to me.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mean Quotes
- Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Inspiration Quotes
- Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eyewitness.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hilarious Quotes
- The only way to comprehend what mathematicians mean by Infinity is to contemplate the extent of human stupidity.
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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hilarious Quotes
- It takes less time to do a thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong.
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Tags : Henry Wadsworth Longfellow Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Mr. Bazzard's father, being a Norfolk farmer, would have furiously laid about him with a flail, a pitch-fork, and every agricultural implement available for assaulting purposes, on the slightest hint of his son's having written a play.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Father Quotes
- A jury too often has at least one member more ready to hang the panel than to hang the traitor.
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Tags : Abraham Lincoln Quotes , Funny Quotes , Success Quotes
- By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.
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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Motivational Quotes
- Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Successful Quotes
- Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- As he was valiant, I honour him. But as he was ambitious, I slew him.
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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- I have insecurities of course, but I don't hang out with anyone who points them out to me.
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Tags : Adele Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hater Quotes
- College is a refuge from hasty judgment.
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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , College Quotes
- It's your money. You paid for it.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- My best training came from my father.
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Tags : Woodrow Wilson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dad Quotes
- The idea that no gentleman ever swears is all wrong. He can swear and still be a gentleman if he does it in a nice and benevolent and affectionate way.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Nice Quotes
- "She's a very charming and delightful creature," quoth Mr. Robert Sawyer, in reply; "and has only one fault that I know of, Ben. It happens, unfortunately, that that single blemish is a want of taste. She don't like me."
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes