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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- ORTHODOX, n. An ox wearing the popular religious joke.
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- Youth looks forward, for nothing is behind! Age backward, for nothing is before.
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- The wife, or bitter half.
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- Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
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- MUSTANG, n. An indocile horse of the western plains. In English society, the American wife of an English nobleman.
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- CENTAUR, n. One of a race of persons who lived before the division of labor had been carried to such a pitch of differentiation, and who followed the primitive economic maxim, "Every man his own horse."
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- ARSENIC, n. A kind of cosmetic greatly affected by the ladies, whom it greatly affects in turn.
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- moral, adj. Conforming to a local and mutable standard of right. Having the quality of general expediency.
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- Evolutionary biology is genuinely scientific, but more than that it opens the door to a world more marvellous than any Christian fundamentalist has ever read into the pages of the Bible.
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- DEINOTHERIUM, n. An extinct pachyderm that flourished when the Pterodactyl was in fashion. The latter was a native of Ireland, its name being pronounced Terry Dactyl or Peter O'Dactyl, as the man pronouncing it may chance to have heard it spoken or seen it printed.
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- PALACE, n. A fine and costly residence, particularly that of a great official. The residence of a high dignitary of the Christian Church is called a palace; that of the Founder of his religion was known as a field, or wayside. There is progress.
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- NON-COMBATANT, n. A dead Quaker.
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- MOUSE, n. An animal which strews its path with fainting women.
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- PLENIPOTENTIARY, adj. Having full power. A Minister Plenipotentiary is a diplomatist possessing absolute authority on condition that he never exert it.
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- PIRACY, n. Commerce without its folly-swaddles, just as God made it.
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- Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
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- LUMINARY, One who throws light upon a subject; as an editor by not writing about it.
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- FOLLY, n. That "gift and faculty divine" whose creative and controlling energy inspires Man's mind, guides his actions and adorns his life.
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- RUIN, v. To destroy. Specifically, to destroy a maid's belief in the virtue of maids.
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- NOBLEMAN, n. Nature's provision for wealthy American minds ambitious to incur social distinction and suffer high life.
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