Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Wish Quotes, Devil Quotes

Don't board with the devil if you wish to be fat.

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Accordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.

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To the eye of failure success is an accident.

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Immoral" is the judgment of the stalled ox on the gamboling lamb.

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MANICHEISM, n. The ancient Persian doctrine of an incessant warfare between Good and Evil. When Good gave up the fight the Persians joined the victorious Opposition.

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GNOSTICS, n. A sect of philosophers who tried to engineer a fusion between the early Christians and the Platonists. The former would not go into the caucus and the combination failed, greatly to the chagrin of the fusion managers.

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Genius - to know without having learned; to draw just conclusions from unknown premises; to discern the soul of things.

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Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic.

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Trial. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges, advocates and jurors.

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Who never doubted, never half believed. Where doubt is, there truth is - it is her shadow.

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New York is too strenuous for me; it gets on my nerves.

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Duty - that which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of desire.

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RAREBIT n. A Welsh rabbit, in the speech of the humorless, who point out that it is not a rabbit. To whom it may be solemnly explained that the comestible known as toad-in-a-hole is really not a toad, and that riz-de-veau à la financière is not the smile of a calf prepared after the recipe of a she banker.

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BLANK-VERSE, n. Unrhymed iambic pentameters - the most difficult kind of English verse to write acceptably; a kind, therefore, much affected by those who cannot acceptably write any kind.

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An old wine-bibber having been smashed in a railway collision, some wine was poured on his lips to revive him.

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CALAMITY, n. A more than commonly plain and unmistakable reminder that the affairs of this life are not of our own ordering. Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.

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TRUST, n. In American politics, a large corporation composed in greater part of thrifty working men, widows of small means, orphans in the care of guardians and the courts, with many similar malefactors and public enemies.

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PILLORY, n. A mechanical device for inflicting personal distinction - prototype of the modern newspaper conducted by persons of austere virtues and blameless lives.

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PLEONASM, n. An army of words escorting a corporal of thought.

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APOTHECARY, n. The physician's accomplice, undertaker's benefactor and grave worm's provider

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